Getting through a quarter life crisis

IMG_4870Do you celebrate yourself & your accomplishments on your birthday? I love birthdays for many reasons because I think it is a GREAT excuse to celebrate yourself! Today is my 26th birthday & I have SO much to celebrate! The very first thing that I want to celebrate is officially being out of my early twenties. I’ve mentioned this many times before, but I pretty much describe the disfunction of my early twenties as a quarter life crisis. The feeling of being on the other side and finally  moving in a positive direction is an amazing feeling! So, today I want to take the time to not only celebrate myself & my accomplishments, but I also want to explain how I worked through this time in my life to get to the other side. If you are going through this time in your life- this post is for you! ❤

Blog- Quarter Life Crisis

Ah, the quarter life crisis.

It was something that I never really thought was a “real” thing. I just thought it was a phrase that people my age threw around & joked about. But, here’s the thing, I now whole-heartedly believe that it’s a real thing now. Your twenties can be a confusing time as you are figuring things out, adjusting to the “real world”, learning about yourself & where you are supposed to be in this world. I think time is a blessing in disguise, a necessary time meant to happen so you can experience some form of hardship, learn & keep moving forward.

I think it’s also important to understand that this looks different for everyone. What might be hard for me, or anyone one else, doesn’t mean it will necessarily be for the next person. I remember feeling bad for feeling down about where I was in life, guilty about having these harsh feelings towards where I was in life. I now know that this is completely normal.

I also think this can come at different times in life for different people & can also look different for everyone. It’s important to not compare one’s experiences to your own & try to base normalcy off of others. For me, my “Quarter Life Crisis” appeared from 22-25. The thing is, on paper, on social media, I “looked” happy & life “looked” like I had everything together. I had a job right out of college in my field with good benefits, I moved out of my parent’s house 5 months after graduating from college & was mostly financially independent, I got into a relationship—seems ideal, right? But, I was miserable. I was unmotivated. I was confused. I was frustrated.

Why am I not happy? I have everything I should ever need/want at this point?

This is what I believe now to have been an a quarter life crisis. Things didn’t make sense, I was confused, I didn’t know what to do, I was unhappy. So, I HAD to embark on a journey of self-discovery to get to where I am today. A quarter-life crisis doesn’t sound all that positive, but trust me, there’s a silver lining- more importantly, there’s a purpose for it.

This time in my life pushed me out of my comfort zone, forced me to figure out more about myself, become stronger & more empowered, start living the life I’ve always wanted to live. It literally needed to happen, because I would not be where I am today if it wasn’t for the experience. If you are going through a hard time in your life, a quarter life crisis, where you don’t know what’s going on & you just feel lost & confused- it’s OK- great things are about to happen. Trust me.

Now, after 2.5 years living back at home  with my parents, getting myself back on my own two feet, I’m moved into a beautiful apartment, in a wonderful relationship with my amazing boyfriend, started my own business working from home & truly enjoying every single day. If it wasn’t for this experience, I would not be in this position. I would not be where I am today, I would not be this happy.

I truly want you to get through any obstacles, road blocks, hard times like I did. It is possible & I am going to tell you my main tips for getting through this time. Like I’ve mentioned before, these times look different for everyone, what might’ve worked for me might not work for you. But, I do think some of these tips could be implemented in some way, shape or form for everyone.

What I did to overcome the quarter life crisis


 Focused on myself

This might seem cliché, but taking care of ourselves is often the first thing we forget to focus on during stressful times. I remember the time where I felt like everything had fallen apart and nothing about my life I was satisfied about. I felt like I had worked so hard and wasn’t getting anywhere.

I knew that if I wanted things to be different, then I had to take actionable steps to actually making that change. I wanted to embark on a mind, body, soul journey and really start taking care of myself. I started journaling, going on morning walks, eating better, getting on a workout schedule, signing up for yoga classes, making plans with friends. You know what truly makes you happy. Even if in the moment, you don’t necessarily desire those things at the moment, but making small goals each day to reincorporate those things could be super helpful.

I let myself feel emotions as they occurred 

Do you ever go through a rollercoaster of emotions, where you feel angry, upset, frustrated? Do you beat yourself up for having those feelings? The thing is, you can’t help what emotions come up. If they come up, they are there for a reason. It’s OK to feel angry or upset. Let yourself deal with the emotions as they arise. For me, I noticed that I would feel better after I just let myself feel. There’s nothing wrong with that, but we often want to avoid those negative emotions because they are uncomfortable in the moment. Just remember not to beat yourself up about it.

Talked to people

We often try to bottle up our emotions and not talk about what’s really going on. You can journal all you want, but sometimes you really need to talk to another human. Multiple humans. The best place to go is your family and friends who truly care about you and are there with active listening ears. You can even go to counseling if you need it & it fits into your schedule & budget.

Talking it out also helps you release your emotions & even get advice from others. When you talk to an outside source, they might be able to provide you with ideas that you never even thought of. In talking to people, you might even get a connection from them for you to reach out to and help you along your journey. The more people you talk to and connect with, the better.

BUT, it’s also important to not go into information overload. Know when you are getting too much conflicting information, but take on as many opportunities that come your way from this piece of advice.

Stopped putting so much pressure on myself

I had put so much pressure on myself to get things together, that I could not even focus on the task at hand. The more pressure I put on myself, the further in the hole I seemed to get. Then, I would get even more stressed & frustrated that I couldn’t even focus on anything else or take care of myself.

When I got fired from my job, that’s when I just stopped putting pressure on myself. I was emotionally exhausted and I was done feeling that way. Seriously, the moment I stopped putting that pressure on myself & started focusing on myself, things started falling into place. Some people work better under pressure & that’s completely fine. You have to adjust to what works best for you. Sometimes you have to go through these situations to really learn about yourself.

I never gave up

When times get hard & it seems like nothing you do is working, it’s can be super easy to just give up. What’s the point? When the track record isn’t very good, it’s very hard to continue to stay motivated. You can work as hard as you want, but I believe the most important thing to remember is not to give up on yourself! You can take all the advice & when it seems like nothing is working, it is very easy to get discouraged. This time usually means an incredible breakthrough is coming. It’s unknown when it will happen, but this time is necessary for all of the amazing things that are coming your way.


Like I’ve mentioned, our experiences are all different. My experience might be different from yours & vice versa, & what you need to get through it might be different from mine. I think the main thing to remember is not to give up on yourself & take it one day at a time. Let yourself feel all the feelings as the come, knowing they are there for a reason. If you keep going, keep learning & keep giving yourself permission to go through this experience your will get through it!- Blissfully Jess2

 

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Time Management While Working From Home

Progression, not perfection.

I’ve always thought I had pretty good time management skills. I balanced a LOT of things while in college.. From regular school work, cheerleading practice, workouts, studying, work, etc., I thought I had it all figured out. Turns out, things are a little different when you are in the “real world”.

In college, you kind of have your schedule figured out for you, based on when you have class, practice, work, etc. When you have your own business & work from home, you have EVERYTHING to figure out on your own!

-Figuring out what is most important

-How long certain tasks will take

-What order to do the tasks in

-Where to even start?

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I very quickly realized that I had A LOT of trial and error to do. I had a lot of figuring out what will work for my schedule & won’t. It really sounds a lot easier that it really is! Working from home is great, but you have a lot of time to work with that you aren’t used to. Figuring out what to do & when can be tricky. But, I’m here to provide some insight into what I’ve learned to be helpful in my journey so far!

BRAIN DUMP!


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When I first started, I felt so overwhelmed with all that I felt like I had to do. I would sit down to do it, then have no idea where to even start. So, I found that by taking the time to just brain dump everything onto a piece of paper. I mean EVERYTHINGGGG.

I would even categorize everything.

From each client & their platforms- what is EVERYTHING that I need to do for each client?

What is everything I want to do for my business?

For my social media platforms?

What blog do I want to work on next?

         What do I want to talk about this week?

ORDER OF IMPORTANCE


What needs to be done ASAP vs what can wait a little bit? This is honestly easier said than done. It took some time to figure out what items were pressing & what items were not. Like I’ve mentioned, these things can take some time!

WHAT WORKS FOR YOU?


As we all are aware, everyone is different, which means the ideal schedule looks different for everyone.

For me, I know I work better first thing in the morning & tend to slow down as the day goes on. I like to get all the tasks that needs the most brain power from 7am-11am & save the other tasks to the afternoon/evening. I know my motivation starts slowing down from 11am-2pm, so I let myself take a break & do low energy things. Sometimes I will run some errands at this time, take my cat outside, check my social media accounts, as well as my clients. If I feel like I am having trouble concentrating in the afternoon, I’ll go to a coffee shop for a couple hours to get some work done. I recently realized that I like to work on my blog at the end of the day, because writing is always a form of self-care for me.

Everyone is different & our schedules will vary from person-to-person. Starting your own business & working from home is such an incredible experience. I felt so overwhelmed in the beginning because I just had no idea where to even start. I felt so overwhelmed with everything I had to do, but had no idea what I even had to do, let alone figure out where to begin.

Take it day-by-day. You will continue to learn what works best for you as time goes on. It’s important to allow this adjustment period & make adjustments when needed.

MOST IMPORTANT THING I LEARNED


Listen to your body! Know when you are feeling exhausted & burnt out. Truth is, overworking yourself will do more harm than good. Creative juices will stop flowing, you’ll get even more overwhelmed & exhausted.

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The turning point for me was the day I decided to let myself sleep in on a Wednesday. I went to bed at 9pm & woke up at 7:30am. I. Felt. Amazing. I remember waking up just feeling so refreshed, my mind was clear & I have been unstoppable ever since. There were so many ideas coming to my mind that I wanted to do with my business. It literally did not happen until I gave my body some TLC!

Bottom Line: Let yourself sleep in every once in a while. Give your body some TLC when you need it. Take a bubble path, go on a run, drink some wine, CHILL. OUT. Do whatever you need to do!

I hope you found these tips to be helpful! If you are starting your own business & working from home, feeling overwhelmed and stressed, I feel you. It’s a work in progress, I’m still working on it as well. But, we are here to support each other & provide as much guidance as possible!

- Blissfully Jess2

Getting Fired Was The Best Thing to Happen to Me

When one door closes, another one opens.

Getting Fired Was the Best Thing to Happen to Me

To clarify, I mean in my professional career, being able to do exactly what I want & fulfill my happiness.

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When I first realized that clinical work was not for me, it started me off on a 3 year stress-filled journey to figure out where I was supposed to be. I became so overwhelmed & completely engulfed in trying to get this figured out.

When I finally got a job offer in May 2018, I thought it was the “big break” I was looking for. I tried to convince myself that I really enjoyed it and a good fit for me. I felt like this had to be it because I’ve worked so hard and stressed out so much about it that this had to work out.

I was completely overwhelmed, the job was not a good fit at all. I overworked myself trying to make myself good at the job. But, I wasn’t. I was so engulfed in trying to get my professional career off, I was completely risking my mental health. But, I was OK with it because I knew that you have to start somewhere, especially at the bottom. I knew that I had to work through the discomfort before getting to where I wanted to be. So, I kept going and kept trying. Even when I wasn’t at work, I spent every waking minute trying to figure out how I could be better at the job.

I got so overwhelmed & had completely abandoned all of my daily self-care habits. I got to a point where I felt like I was feeling depressed again. I didn’t have health insurance because I was waiting for my new insurance to kick in. So, I was trying to figure out how I was going to pay out of pocket to see my doctor and get on meds.

Then, I got fired.

At the end of my 5th week on the job, I was brought into the office at 6:45am and they fired me. I had to pack up my desk into my purse, while the other employees around me just watched me while I was in complete embarrassment. I rushed out the door with my tail between my legs, and haven’t been the same since.

Thank. Goodness.

In that moment, I was feeling numb, pretty confused about what just happened. I went home and for the first time in YEARS, I allowed my mind to STOP. I was forced into a period of self-reflection. What’s next? I had such a hard time getting an interview for a job and now I have to explain why I had 3 jobs in 6 months, one being for only 5 weeks. I have to be honest, I was tired of revising my resume and trying to explain my professional journey thus far. I get that it’s what you “have” to do, but man it’s exhausting.

So, I decided not to look for another job. I decided that it wasn’t worth trying to explain myself, my knowledge, my expertise, my belonging to Corporate America. I was ambitious and ready to get the show on the road, but I was so emotionally exhausted. I didn’t know which way to go, or what the next step was going to be. The unknown of the future was so blurred, even more than before.

My dad offered to give me a position at the business he and his friend started up. They needed help with marketing and social media. They weren’t able to pay me much, but it was something to give me some kind of experience and knowing that my efforts were at least appreciated.

It ended up being the biggest blessing.

I loved the flexibility. Not being constantly stressed all the time, actually doing things I actually enjoyed doing. I was able to make the position my own, exercise my abilities and showcase all of my knowledge and talents without being micromanaged.

That’s when I was 100% certain that I was not meant to be a part of Corporate America. That’s also when I realized WHY I was never given a chance. I’m not meant to be there.

That’s OK. I’m realizing that now. Starting my own business is really freaking hard. I’m doing this all on my own, trying to figure everything out & make a living for myself. But, I am able to utilize my knowledge, expertise, education and my work experience thus far. Honestly, my resume doesn’t make much sense. I have 3 years of clinical work, 3 months in childcare, 5 weeks in recruiting and a Master’s Degree in Business Psychology. I can imagine recruiters looking at my resume and thinking: “This girl seems confused.”

Thank U, Next.

So, here I am. Trying to put together the pieces of my business at my parent’s house all day with my cat. Even though it’s hard as heck, I wouldn’t change a single thing.

This means even better opportunities are on the horizon.

Yes they are girl, you better believe it. Whatever you do, DO NOT give up.

- Blissfully Jess2

Gaining confidence to be my true, authentic self

Growth happens outside of the comfort zone.

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I’ve always been painfully shy, easily embarrassed & incredibly worried about what other people thought of me. It’s a natural instinct because we all need social acceptance. I used to just hide in my own little shell, because that where I felt I was safe. Safe from any potential judgement from anyone. No fear of making a fool out of myself. But there have definitely been times when I wished I was less shy & introverted & more naturally outgoing. I wished I was able to put myself out there and achieve what they were doing. They made it seem so effortless.

What if I make a fool out of myself? What if I fail miserably? What if nobody cares what I have to say?

Finding yourself and figuring out your purpose can be a very difficult journey. Everyone’s journey is different, but that’s what makes it so special. Like a lot of people, my confidence was super low, especially in high school. I didn’t realize how low it was until I got to college. That’s when I started coming out of my shell and starting to get myself out there more and more. Over the last couple years, the most important thing I’ve learned is that wishing wasn’t going to help me achieve my goals. Less wishing more doing. I started actively doing things that purposely put me out of my comfort zone.

Since personal growth happens outside of the comfort zone.

Of course, it started working & I slowly started gaining more confidence & ultimately accept who I am. Which is great, I’ve learned a lot and grown  A LOT. But, it wasn’t until this last year that I actually realized what was holding me back. While I was gaining confidence, I still had this feeling in the back of my head that I just didn’t have what it took to do exactly what I wanted to do to reach my goals. But, I was holding myself back because I was so worried about what others would think. Why would anyone care what I have to say? What if I completely embarrass myself & make a fool out of myself?

What I realized, eventually, is that I was letting the potential negative opinions of others control my own thoughts about myself. I finally got to a point where I had to come to the realization that this fear of potential failure & falling flat on my face in complete embarrassment was really the only thing holding me back. Yes, I’m super shy and anxious, but that doesn’t mean I don’t have the “personality”. I needed to realize that I needed to take the control back for myself. To realize that I’m the only one that is completely in control of my own life & the path that I decide to take for myself. I still wish I wasn’t so anxious all the time, but I am definitely proud of myself for taking the necessary steps to getting to this point. I still have a long way to go, but boy have I come a long way.

Ever since I launched my business and started writing blogs, I’ve had such an incredible response. I finally let go of the potential negative outcome and negative reactions that I just let myself do what I wanted, how I wanted. What I have learned is: people care. It has seriously taken a long, sometimes painful, road to get to this point of discovery. But, it’s true and it feels so good to finally have that weight lifted off my shoulders.

I no longer think to myself, “wow, I wish I was more like that” because I have realized that I am truly the only one holding myself back. I’ve heard a lot of success stories that come from people who work hard and take really risky chances. Staying in your comfort zone is only going to provide you with mediocre results, ultimately keeping you from living life to the absolute fullest. Life can be tricky & social media can make things a lot harder for people to find their confidence. We are more connected than ever & it is so easy to compare ourselves. “Wow, I wish I looked like her”, “Her life seems so perfect”.

There are still times when I have those “Oh crap, what have I done?” moments where I get this thought in my mind that I really have made a fool out of myself. I still get those moments where I think I need to retract back to my shell and my comfort zone & stop trying to put myself out there. But, I have to keep reminding myself why I have done this in the first place. There have been times in the past where I have given into my own negative self-talk & have retracted back to my comfort zone, where I know I am safe. But, I won’t let myself do that this time, because I know where my potential is. You never know your potential & what could happen, unless you try. But, you have to remember to keep going. Keep moving forward.

The most important thing that I’ve learned this past year, especially in the last 6 months or so, is how much of my life is in my control. It is so easy to look at the big picture and to think that it is completely impossible, but we have to realize what is in our control. That has seriously been a game changer for me! It seems like something so simple, but I know that a lot of people go through this as well & I hope that I can provide at least some inspiration to let your guard down & start living the life you’ve always wanted.

I encourage every single person reading this to start doing little things to get yourself out there, out of your comfort zone. To start living the life you’ve always wanted. I’m not saying big things, just small little changes that you can start doing today to help makes this possible. You are the only person that is in control of your own life! 

We are all learning & growing every single day. Amazing things can happen, if we keeping working towards letting go of potential negative outcomes & start becoming our true, authentic selves. Now, let’s all get out there & start living our best lives! 💖

- Blissfully Jess2