Breaking Free From Society & Creating A Life You Love

As someone who studied psychology in college and has always been fascinated by human behavior, I understand the importance of “fitting in” and being accepted. It’s just a human necessity. 

This can mean social acceptance, which is important for psychological and mental health. But, what about not fitting into generalized education and expectations? 

We are taught in our education system the information that we must be able to master to move onto the next level. But, what if your strengths and potential aren’t highlighted in those generalized areas? Are you just doomed to failure?

This is exactly what happened to me and what I know a lot of people struggle with. You can read more about this experience in My journey from a struggling high school student to starting my own business.

My strengths and potential were not highlighted in generalized education and expectations. I struggled in high school. When I say struggled, I mean STRUGGLED. I failed about 90% of the tests I took. I quite literally passed high school with test corrections and test retakes.

I couldn’t figure out what was wrong with me. I did everything that I was told I needed to do to master and understand the material. I studied hard. I tried all the techniques. I went into school early to get help and stayed after school. I did all the things and still couldn’t get it figured out.

I remember wanting to be successful so bad. But, there were times when I just thought that I wasn’t smart enough and didn’t have what it took to reach a level of success that I had always envisioned for myself. At that time, I wanted to get my doctorate in psychology. It was always a goal in the back of my mind. But, how could I possibly expect to get my doctorate when I was BARELY passing high school?

There were so many times when I was so frustrated because I just wanted to be smart like everyone else. I didn’t want to feel “dumb” and incapable. 

What I didn’t realize at the time, is that I was completely capable of success, it just looks a little bit different than the majority of people. I have unique talents and expertise that makes me so special and just as capable of success. I just had to work a little harder and go through some extra hoops to figure it out.

Our system teaches us that everything is going to be accomplished in a straight, linear line. There’s no telling what will happen if/when it doesn’t work out that way. So, when your life doesn’t progress like we thought it would, we immediately think that something is wrong.

Something is wrong with me

You go to school, get a degree, get a job, work until retirement. You’ll make enough money to get by, but never enough to be truly satisfied. That’s just life, right? That’s just the way it is.

But, what if there’s something more? I believe there is. You can read more about my opinion on this in my post about Why I’m Proud of Millennials and Proud To Be One.

I envision a fantasy life that I believe is completely attainable. 

I want to create something for myself, a life that I truly love living. I want to wake up every single morning, excited for the day ahead of me. I want my work to energize me, maybe even feel like I’m not really doing “work”. But, I want to make a difference and an impact.

You can sit at a desk for 9 hours a day, working “hard”, but not feeling fulfilled and like you’re truly making a difference in the world.

I believe in a world that isn’t micromanaged. 

A world that allows you to be who you are and make the impact that you are meant to make. Whatever that looks like for each person. Whether that means with a degree or no degree. We were all put on this earth for a reason and I believe that it is possible to live out that dream.

We’re taught that dreams are meant to be just that… Dreams. You must go to work and work until you are told that you can be done. If you’re already done with your work, scroll on your phone and pretend to be working until it’s time to go. 

If you hate what you do and dread Mondays, why not go on a journey to finding something that truly energizes you? 

For me, I’ve always wanted to make a difference in people’s lives. I knew that was my calling from a young age. It fires me up and makes me feel amazing. But, my career path has not been able to fulfill this for me. Even the business I’ve created at times. Sometimes, you have to be able to understand when and where it’s time to make a change. 

At the end of the day, you are in control of your life. Only you are fully in control of your life. 

It’s h a r d and frustrating to figure out what in the world you are supposed to be doing on earth. You feel like there’s only so many times you can fail and get back up without getting completely discouraged. Fearing that you just might make a complete fool of yourself. 

We’ve all been there and we don’t like it. But, at some point, it’s time to put pen to paper and really dig into who you are as a person. What you are meant to be doing on this earth. Sometimes, your journey doesn’t look like what others look like and that is completely fine!

So… how do you create a life that you truly love? Here are some things to think about.

What are some of your unique talents?

Like, really unique. We all have unique talents that makes us who we are and makes us so special. We all have something special & incredible to offer the world. 

There was one part of You Are A Badass: How To Stop Doubting Your Greatness And Start Living An Awesome Life by Jen Sincero that really sticks out to me and I think is incredibly important.

She’s talking about going after your dreams, because someone out there needs what you have to offer. Sometimes our dreams seem so out of reach that we don’t really think about even trying to take action on them. I talk about this more in-depth in my post on A lot can happen in just ONE YEAR!.

What is something really energizes you?

This question seems really simple & easy, but it can be a tricky question. I know that it was for me when I was trying to figure out what it is that I really wanted to do. I just remembered how happy I felt when I was helping others work through any problems going on in their lives. 

I went through a whole process and you can read more about it in BUSINESS PLAN FOR 2020 / CHANGES TO BUSINESS. If you are having a hard time coming up with ideas, you can always reach out to friends/family & get an idea of what you are really good at!

What are you really passionate about?

This can be anything! Think hard about this because I think it’s really important to be able to incorporate the things that you are truly passionate about in your everyday life. This doesn’t necessarily have to be in terms of your career, but just any hobby or anything that you really love!

What does your dream life look like?

We all have a dream life that we think about, but don’t always think it’s attainable so we don’t even think about trying to act upon them. Think reallll hard about what this life looks like for you!

How attainable is your dream life?

Like I already mentioned, we often think that our “dream life” isn’t really attainable, so we don’t even try to take any action to reach that dream life status. I used to think the exact same way until I started realizing that I am completely in control of the trajectory of my life.

I bet that your dream life isn’t as out of reach as you would think. It’s up to you if you are willing to put in the work, including the mindset work to reach those goals. 

What actionable steps can you take to start living your ideal life?

What can you start doing TODAY to start making those dreams a reality? Are you going to start buying books and educate yourself more? Are you going to make it a goal to start putting yourself out in the world, jump out of your comfort zone so you can start growing & learning? Hire somebody to help you figure out how you can make those dreams a reality?

Trust me, there are probably simple steps that you can be taking TODAY to start living your dream life & start creating a life you love. 

What would you be doing if the generalization of society wasn’t holding you back?

Yes, throw away whatever society says you should be doing! Screw that. This is your life and you are in complete control of the outcomes of your life. 

Take away everything society says you should be doing and really think about what you would be doing with your life if society didn’t tell you what your life should look like!

Forget about society. Forget about generalization. This is all about YOU and what YOU want to get out of life! ❤


At the end of the day, I think that it is really important to really think about what it is that we really love to do and are passionate about. I think that the pressure that comes with the generalization of society can hold us back and make us feel like we can’t live a life that we truly love and makes us happy.

Life doesn’t always progress the way we are taught and doesn’t always look the same as everyone around us. The important thing to remember is to be true to yourself and not let the potential judgements & criticisms hold you back from living your life to the fullest. I believe it is possible, many people have done it before and many people are going to continue doing it.

The time is now to REALLY live your life! ❤

xx

5 Steps For Getting Back On Track & Shifting Your Mindset

We’ve heard it all before, but I think that it’s something extremely important: progress is never in a straight line. We all want it to be, though. This is true and relevant in just about every aspect of life. We get in a good system, start losing weight, get our social lives together, whatever it may be, then something happens to throw us off track. 

It happens to all of us and it happens in just about every situation in life pretty much. It’s frustrating because you just want to keep moving forward. Things were going so well and you just want to keep going forward. Moving backwards, in any capacity and in any way is frustrating. It feels like you’re taking 2 steps forward and 1 step backwards.

I used to get really hard on myself when this happened. I would be in a good system, a good rhythm, my healthy habits were on point. Then, something would happen to get everything all messed up. I would get frustrated and mad at myself for letting myself get to that point. I would be mad for not being able to handle it and ultimately “letting myself go”. Then, this negative self-talk would spiral into more negative self-talk and I would begin going down a tunnel of neglecting my healthy habits and mental health more and more. 

It seems dramatic, but it’s very true and I know it’s prominent for a lot of people. We continue to let ourselves spiral out of control until we get tired of it and decide we want to make a change, then the cycle repeats. 

I felt inclined to write this post because I recently experienced this and I wanted to take the time to explain how I dealt with the stress. Over the years, I have learned a lot about how to handle these times in our lives and I think that what I have to say is important! It’s going to happen & it’s going to happen a lot, unfortunately. Whether we want to admit it or not, it’s inevitable.

I’ve learned that during these times when it feels like I’m “taking a step back”, it might actually be a good thing. I’ve learned that this might mean that I’m entering an important time for growth and a breakthrough is about to happen. It’s uncomfortable in the moment, but it’s necessary to take the next step forward. 

Life kind of makes you stop, so you can keep moving forward. Now, this might sound counter-intuitive, but stay with me here!

I’ve learned to listen to the universe. To pay attention to these times when I feel like I’m falling off track because, sometimes, it doesn’t really mean that I’m falling “off track”. It’s the universe telling me that I need to slow down. 

To be honest, life would be quite boring if things turned out exactly how we wanted all the time. If things worked out perfectly the first time and things continued in a straight line, there would be no growth, no learning experiences, no breakthroughs to celebrate. Times of reflection wouldn’t result in celebrating all of the hard work that was done and all the growth that happened. It sounds nice on paper, that everything will work out perfectly and all will end exactly how we expect. 

However, these times are frustrating. It’s extremely hard not to just want to throw in the towel and stay frustrated. But, I encourage you to keep an open mind here because shifting your perception can result in a life changing breakthrough.


Here are some important things to remember during these times:

Don’t be hard on yourself

The most important thing to remember is that you must not get hard on yourself during these times. Beating yourself up for “falling off track” will get you nowhere except keep you going even further downhill. 

I’ve noticed this to be especially prevalent in my early to mid-twenties and I think it’s pretty common around this age for most people. It’s the time in our lives when we are set free to really figure out who we are and what we are supposed to be doing with our lives. Every time we think we are getting closer to getting it figured out, something happens to throw us off track a little bit. 

When this started happening to me, I was thinking that I was the only one going through this. I just assumed that everyone else my age was getting things all figured out and they were happily progressing without any problems. When you think you’re the only one going through something, it’s very discouraging. 

Trust me, I know this very well. I spent about 3 years trying to find a job, getting another degree, revising my resume, countless applications & interviews and ended up getting fired from the job I finally got after just 5 weeks. Talk about discouraging! While it was frustrating and discouraging, I’ve come to realize that Getting Fired Was The Best Thing To Happen To Me!

The most important piece of advice that I received in terms of getting through this was to not beat myself up. If you can shift your perception on the situation to the best of your ability, you can see this in a whole new light.

Give yourself some grace here! If you want some extra tips, make sure you check out my blog on The Importance of Self-Care!

TAKE A BREAK

Seriously, take a break. Sometimes these times are meant to tell you that you need to slow down and give your mind & body some TLC. Make sure you listen to your body and rest if/when you need it.

For my most recent experience with falling off track, what helped the most was giving myself 3 full days off, away from work, completely focusing on myself. When I say a break, I mean a REAL break. I was trying to give myself breaks, but I was still constantly thinking about alllll the things I had to be doing or SHOULD be doing, scrolling on Pinterest trying to find some inspiration. I was resting my body, but I wasn’t letting my mind rest, which was making me even more exhausted.

Before you start rolling your eyes and thinking “OK Jessie, not everyone can just take 3 days off!“, hear me out. I know that giving yourself 3 days might seem out of reach or impossible, considering where you are in life. But, we all need to find time in our lives to give ourselves a break. We all need it and it might be just what you need to get on track. Maybe see if anyone can help you out for a day to get some things off your plate so you can rest. Giving yourself just one day completely to yourself could be the best thing you do right now!

journal

I’ve talked about the importance of journaling many times, but I find that it holds so many benefits. Especially if you feel like your progress has stopped, no matter what area, it’s always good practice to get everything out of your head and on to paper.

Sometimes, we have things going on in our subconscious that we don’t even know that’s weighing us down. Which is why I always think that journaling can be super powerful. Just getting all of your thoughts, everything that bothering you out of your head and on to paper might give you some clarity.

If you want to read more information on my transformative experiences with journaling, make sure you check out my recent post on The Power of Journaling!

Come up with an action plan

After you journal and get everything out of your head and on to paper, it can be easier to see what specifically needs to be done to keep moving forward. Think about what’s going on and why this “step back” is happening.

Get specific. Don’t just say “get back on track”. How exactly are you going to do it? Are you going to give yourself a mental health day? Brain dump everything that needs to be done? Drink more water?

Giving yourself realistic actionable goals is important to getting yourself back on track.

find the silver lining

I truly believe that everything happens for a reason. We are given certain “bumps” in our paths because we are supposed to go through a certain learning experience to prepare us for what’s to come.

Finding the silver lining in a situation like this, when we feel like we’ve taken a step backwards, is helpful in shifting our mindset. If you can conquer your mindset, you can conquer anything!

If you just rolled your eyes when you read that, try to hear me out because I think this is really important! If we’re constantly beating ourselves up about things and focusing on the negatives all the time, it’s going to be really difficult to get to where we want to be. Just hear me out & try to shift your perspective!

If you are still not convinced, I understand. Shifting your perception is hard and can take some work. But, I do want to share a resource that I’ve mentioned before that helped me shift my mindset.

It’s a book called, Everything is Figureoutable by Marie Forleo!

This book revolves around the phrase, “Everything Is Figureoutable“. Meaning, no matter where you are in life, what situation you are currently in, no matter how sucky or sad, it is figureoutable. Marie Forleo helps you get out of your mental BS to start living your life. To help you get out of that mental funk that you’ve found yourself in and start taking actionable steps to changing your mindset.


I’ve noticed that each time I go through a period where I feel like I taking a step back & I see a regression in progress, I learn more about myself. I’ve been able to learn about what helps & what doesn’t and I’ve been able to make changes to make sure that I continue to keep moving forward.

Taking a step back, in any way, in any situation is frustrating. But, the way you perceive the situation can be a game changer!

xx,
Jess

BUSINESS PLAN FOR 2020 / CHANGES TO BUSINESS

If you know me or have been following me over the last year, you know that I began a journey of starting my own Social Media Management business in 2019. It was an opportunity that fell into my lap and I decided to give it a try. I spent two months putting together a business plan and preparing to launch the business on January 1, 2019. At the same time, I decided that I wanted to start a lifestyle blog because I wanted to figure out a way to also help make a difference in people’s lives. I wasn’t sure what my main goals were for starting the blog, but I felt a desire to start one and see where it would take me. 

>> Have you read my 2019 reflection blog post?! <<

Towards the middle of the year, I started noticing a major shift in my energy towards my Social Media Management business. I started noticing myself almost having to force myself to get my work done and force myself to be creative when I really couldn’t get myself to think creatively. I was feeling extremely burnt out and I just didn’t know what I was supposed to do next.

After several months of trying to get myself to feel passionate about my business again, I realized that Social Media Management just wasn’t for me. It wasn’t where my true passion was and what I’m ultimately supposed to be doing. 

In October 2019, after much contemplation, I decided to close the doors on my Social Media Management business and dip my toes into something else. This was a hard decision for me to make because I had to make a decision to decrease my income tremendously so I have the time and energy to build something that I love. I am very blessed to be able to be my own boss and create a life and a business that truly fulfills me. 

I’ve mentioned this before, but I’ve always wanted to pursue a career helping others. In high school, I was always the friend that people went to for advice and I loved it. I loved helping others work through whatever they were going through and I loved that people felt comfort in coming to me for that advice. Helping others has just always been that one thing that came naturally to me.

Over the years, I’ve received my BA in Psychology, conducted research projects, got experience in clinical work, learned ethics & the importance of interpersonal communication, dipped my toes in other industries including childcare & sales, received my MS in Business Psychology, overcame depression, made the mistakes, started my own business, learned the hard way & worked through every obstacle that tried to stop me from continuing to move forward. It’s taken a lot of time, tears, confusion, frustration, feeling defeated and continuing to stand back up when it felt like it would be easier to just throw in the towel & accept that I just didn’t have what it takes. 

So, going into 2020, I am going to be focusing my energy on building a Female Empowerment Coaching business. 

I hired my own coach and we have been working through the process of getting this new business started and I am SO EXCITED! It’s a scary leap, much scarier than the last time I launched a business because I now know what I didn’t know last year. I’ve had to work through the mental blocks of worrying that I won’t be able to be successful at starting my own business. However, that fear is telling me that this is the direction that I am supposed to be going. 

Life is a crazy journey. Sometimes frustrating, but also fulfilling if you choose. I believe we were all placed on earth for a reason and I want to help as many people as I can reach their full potential. I have the degrees, but most importantly, I have the experience.

So, going into 2020, I will be embarking on yet another entrepreneurial journey. I’ve made it through the first year of trial & error of building a business and I know so much more than that I did last time. I’ve made it through all of the mental blocks and I’ve learned what it takes to run a successful business. I know so much more about myself and I can’t wait to teach others how to get the most out of their own lives. 

My Social Media Management business will always hold a special place in my heart. It definitely fulfilled a part of my life that I needed to prepare me for where I am supposed to go next. Through that business, I was able to learn from those around me and I will take those learning experiences with me into my next adventure.

I’m excited to take everything that I have learned and really turn it into something amazing. I’m getting to the point where I want to spread my wings and really delve into what makes me truly happy. I’m getting very excited about embarking on a journey to really hone into my true potential. 

I am very grateful for the internet to provide me with the ability to make this impact and reach as many people as possible. I truly believe there’s more to life than just living for Friday. I want to live everyday and feel completely fulfilled. I want to be able to go into everyday loving what I do and make the difference that I want to make. Not only that, but I want to help others do the same as well! 

The time is now to make the difference. I hope you decide to join me on this adventure to live our lives to the fullest potential! ❤ 


>> Click here to join my FREE facebook community (females only)!

In this group, you will find daily inspiration, encouragement, find yourself in a community of like-minded women who strive to accomplish the same things and an opportunity to work with yours truly directly.

Let’s start 2020 off right, with support and positivity. I hope to see you there!

xx