Getting through a quarter life crisis

IMG_4870Do you celebrate yourself & your accomplishments on your birthday? I love birthdays for many reasons because I think it is a GREAT excuse to celebrate yourself! Today is my 26th birthday & I have SO much to celebrate! The very first thing that I want to celebrate is officially being out of my early twenties. I’ve mentioned this many times before, but I pretty much describe the disfunction of my early twenties as a quarter life crisis. The feeling of being on the other side and finally  moving in a positive direction is an amazing feeling! So, today I want to take the time to not only celebrate myself & my accomplishments, but I also want to explain how I worked through this time in my life to get to the other side. If you are going through this time in your life- this post is for you! ❤

Blog- Quarter Life Crisis

Ah, the quarter life crisis.

It was something that I never really thought was a “real” thing. I just thought it was a phrase that people my age threw around & joked about. But, here’s the thing, I now whole-heartedly believe that it’s a real thing now. Your twenties can be a confusing time as you are figuring things out, adjusting to the “real world”, learning about yourself & where you are supposed to be in this world. I think time is a blessing in disguise, a necessary time meant to happen so you can experience some form of hardship, learn & keep moving forward.

I think it’s also important to understand that this looks different for everyone. What might be hard for me, or anyone one else, doesn’t mean it will necessarily be for the next person. I remember feeling bad for feeling down about where I was in life, guilty about having these harsh feelings towards where I was in life. I now know that this is completely normal.

I also think this can come at different times in life for different people & can also look different for everyone. It’s important to not compare one’s experiences to your own & try to base normalcy off of others. For me, my “Quarter Life Crisis” appeared from 22-25. The thing is, on paper, on social media, I “looked” happy & life “looked” like I had everything together. I had a job right out of college in my field with good benefits, I moved out of my parent’s house 5 months after graduating from college & was mostly financially independent, I got into a relationship—seems ideal, right? But, I was miserable. I was unmotivated. I was confused. I was frustrated.

Why am I not happy? I have everything I should ever need/want at this point?

This is what I believe now to have been an a quarter life crisis. Things didn’t make sense, I was confused, I didn’t know what to do, I was unhappy. So, I HAD to embark on a journey of self-discovery to get to where I am today. A quarter-life crisis doesn’t sound all that positive, but trust me, there’s a silver lining- more importantly, there’s a purpose for it.

This time in my life pushed me out of my comfort zone, forced me to figure out more about myself, become stronger & more empowered, start living the life I’ve always wanted to live. It literally needed to happen, because I would not be where I am today if it wasn’t for the experience. If you are going through a hard time in your life, a quarter life crisis, where you don’t know what’s going on & you just feel lost & confused- it’s OK- great things are about to happen. Trust me.

Now, after 2.5 years living back at home  with my parents, getting myself back on my own two feet, I’m moved into a beautiful apartment, in a wonderful relationship with my amazing boyfriend, started my own business working from home & truly enjoying every single day. If it wasn’t for this experience, I would not be in this position. I would not be where I am today, I would not be this happy.

I truly want you to get through any obstacles, road blocks, hard times like I did. It is possible & I am going to tell you my main tips for getting through this time. Like I’ve mentioned before, these times look different for everyone, what might’ve worked for me might not work for you. But, I do think some of these tips could be implemented in some way, shape or form for everyone.

What I did to overcome the quarter life crisis


 Focused on myself

This might seem cliché, but taking care of ourselves is often the first thing we forget to focus on during stressful times. I remember the time where I felt like everything had fallen apart and nothing about my life I was satisfied about. I felt like I had worked so hard and wasn’t getting anywhere.

I knew that if I wanted things to be different, then I had to take actionable steps to actually making that change. I wanted to embark on a mind, body, soul journey and really start taking care of myself. I started journaling, going on morning walks, eating better, getting on a workout schedule, signing up for yoga classes, making plans with friends. You know what truly makes you happy. Even if in the moment, you don’t necessarily desire those things at the moment, but making small goals each day to reincorporate those things could be super helpful.

I let myself feel emotions as they occurred 

Do you ever go through a rollercoaster of emotions, where you feel angry, upset, frustrated? Do you beat yourself up for having those feelings? The thing is, you can’t help what emotions come up. If they come up, they are there for a reason. It’s OK to feel angry or upset. Let yourself deal with the emotions as they arise. For me, I noticed that I would feel better after I just let myself feel. There’s nothing wrong with that, but we often want to avoid those negative emotions because they are uncomfortable in the moment. Just remember not to beat yourself up about it.

Talked to people

We often try to bottle up our emotions and not talk about what’s really going on. You can journal all you want, but sometimes you really need to talk to another human. Multiple humans. The best place to go is your family and friends who truly care about you and are there with active listening ears. You can even go to counseling if you need it & it fits into your schedule & budget.

Talking it out also helps you release your emotions & even get advice from others. When you talk to an outside source, they might be able to provide you with ideas that you never even thought of. In talking to people, you might even get a connection from them for you to reach out to and help you along your journey. The more people you talk to and connect with, the better.

BUT, it’s also important to not go into information overload. Know when you are getting too much conflicting information, but take on as many opportunities that come your way from this piece of advice.

Stopped putting so much pressure on myself

I had put so much pressure on myself to get things together, that I could not even focus on the task at hand. The more pressure I put on myself, the further in the hole I seemed to get. Then, I would get even more stressed & frustrated that I couldn’t even focus on anything else or take care of myself.

When I got fired from my job, that’s when I just stopped putting pressure on myself. I was emotionally exhausted and I was done feeling that way. Seriously, the moment I stopped putting that pressure on myself & started focusing on myself, things started falling into place. Some people work better under pressure & that’s completely fine. You have to adjust to what works best for you. Sometimes you have to go through these situations to really learn about yourself.

I never gave up

When times get hard & it seems like nothing you do is working, it’s can be super easy to just give up. What’s the point? When the track record isn’t very good, it’s very hard to continue to stay motivated. You can work as hard as you want, but I believe the most important thing to remember is not to give up on yourself! You can take all the advice & when it seems like nothing is working, it is very easy to get discouraged. This time usually means an incredible breakthrough is coming. It’s unknown when it will happen, but this time is necessary for all of the amazing things that are coming your way.


Like I’ve mentioned, our experiences are all different. My experience might be different from yours & vice versa, & what you need to get through it might be different from mine. I think the main thing to remember is not to give up on yourself & take it one day at a time. Let yourself feel all the feelings as the come, knowing they are there for a reason. If you keep going, keep learning & keep giving yourself permission to go through this experience your will get through it!- Blissfully Jess2

 

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Life After College

Before I dive into life after college, I want to extend my congratulations to those recent graduates!

College is such a wonderful, formative time for most people- it definitely was for me! It’s typically the first time we are away from home, exploring what else there is in the world. When I got to college, I immediately fell in love with the whole experience- from living in the dorm, my psychology major, cheerleading, etc. It was all a great experience & I learned so much about myself. Even though I only went to college about 20 minutes away from home, it was fun being away from home, doing my own thing and meeting new people. I loved my college experience so much, I was honestly not looking forward to graduating. I was excited for a new adventure, but I was sad to leave.

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Walking across the stage to get your degree is such a surreal moment. It’s a moment of pride and excitement. Whatever your story is, it’s always a moment of pride and excitement for the future, full of eagerness to get the career going. I had a job lined up right out of college & I was ready to embrace the excitement of the next chapter of my life. College was great & I was sad to leave, but I knew so many great things were waiting for me. I was so excited to embark on the new journey & see exactly what was in store for me. So, what’s life after college really like?

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On May 3, 2015, I walked across the stage to received my BA in Psychology from THE Otterbein University here in Columbus, Ohio. 

From my own observations, it seems like people get into their career, either confirming that the chosen career path is the right one, or that it’s not a good fit. My plan was to get an entry-level position in clinical work & eventually go back to graduate school to get a higher clinical psychology degree. My envisioned passion was receiving my doctoral degree as a psychologist, being of service to others & helping others. I ended up getting a job here in Columbus at Nationwide Children’s Hospital as an assistant to Psychologists. I administered psychometric assessments to children with developmental disabilities. I won’t go into much detail, but it wasn’t for me. It was a very rewarding job and I learned SO much, but it didn’t end up being fulfilling & I didn’t feel the passion I was expecting. It was a confusing time because I had ALWAYS seen myself in the clinical field, being of service to others as a psychologist. Learning that this path was not for me was hard to comprehend & even more confusing trying to figure out what to do next. I still had a passion for psychology & helping others, I just wan’t sure what I was meant to be doing.

At the time, I thought I was the only person my age going through this, confused about where I was supposed to be. I knew that I had to go in a different direction, but I didn’t know where I was supposed to go. The unknown can be so stressful & confusing. It’s important to understand that everyone’s experience is different, because I also know a lot of people who truly enjoy their chosen career path right after college.

If you are going through a similar experience, here’s my advice for you:

Don’t Be Stubborn


This experience made me realize how stubborn & close-minded I really am. When you don’t allow various options & make excuses, you are shutting yourself off from a world of amazing possibilities. I didn’t realize it, but I would make excuses for every possibility that was brought my way & constantly stressed about the fact that I did not like where I was. I was concentrating on the fact that my chosen career path was not for me. The saying “When one door closes, another one opens” is very true because I really had no idea about the amazing opportunities that were waiting for me. Waiting for me to stop being stubborn & close-minded so I can start down the right path I’m supposed to be on.

Take advice from others


OK so this goes along with my first tip. My mom would always give me options & send me job opportunities & I would come up with an excuse for not considering them. I, for some reason was not open to getting help or advice, even though I needed it. When you open your mind to the information that others have to offer you, you can be opening your mind to things you never even thought of. Sometimes an outside source might be able to look at the situation differently and provide you with exactly what you need.

My mom ended up finding a Business Psychology Master’s program that closely fit what I was looking for in terms of a psychology route. I joined the program & ended up earning my Master’s degree in Business Psychology in January 2018.

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If I didn’t take my mom’s advice & guidance, I definitely would not have been able to continue on the path to where I am today. So, take all the advice & guidance you can get, because they might just have the answers you need!

Don’t Over-Stress


So, this one is extremely hard- I first-hand know this! It’s hard not to over-stress about a situation that you have no control over, especially when it comes to your life & career. But, stressing out about it will not do anything but make things worse for you. Trust me, it’s exactly what happened to me. Typically, stress makes your brain all foggy & you won’t be able to focus very well. The moment that I just let myself stop worrying about everything is the moment everything seemed to fall into place. You can read more about this on a previous post on: Getting Fired Was The Best Thing to Happen to Me.

The transition from college to the real world can be hard, but it’s also such a great experience. You learn & grow in college, but growth happens even more so when you’re in the “real” world. You literally have your whole life ahead of you. You’re in control of your own life & your own experiences. Even though life after college the last 4 years has been pretty stressful for me, I’m actually very grateful for it. If you’re going through the stress, the thought of knowing things are going to get so much better should be incredibly empowering! It might not seem like it in the moment, but if you take my advice, it will be worth it!

Other than figuring out your career path & where you’re supposed to be in the “adult” world, you end up learning even more about yourself. I went through a pretty formative experience in college, but more so in the years that I’ve been out. Even when things kind of felt dysfunctional & overwhelming, it needed to happen. Sometimes those things need to happen to get to where you are truly meant to be.

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Welcome to “Adulting”! 


In college you are just getting a small glimpse of what it means to be an adult. The government says you are legally an adult, but you do not understand until you are out of college. You’ll start to experience things like:

-Extra responsibilities, like bills & taxes (boring)

-Making friends is hard & awkward… how does one even make friends?

-You use your planner to help you remember to spend time with your friends or even just to text your friends

-You prefer to be home from a night out by 11pm (maybe even 10pm)

-Hangovers are 10x worse in your mid-twenties

I think the most interesting part is everyone around you starts getting married & having children. Your Facebook newsfeed will go from parties & other college-related things to being full of babies, engagement announcements & wedding pictures… & you will actually love it.

THE MOST IMPORTANT THING TO KNOW


Whatever you do, wherever your journey takes you, do not get discouraged. Don’t read into what other people are posting about on social media. If it seems like everyone else is landing their dream jobs, living the perfect lives, while you are struggling, that’s not what’s happening. I did this exact thing and after talking to others about their experiences, that’s just not the case. You cannot compare your success to others because it truly looks different for everyone. Don’t beat yourself up if you think things seem to be harder for you than others. Like I’ve already mentioned, this journey looks different for everyone. If it seems hard & overwhelming for you, it just means that you are on your way to bigger & better things. Sometimes things need to get harder before they get better & that’s OK- it’s just a part of the journey!

It has taken 4 years to get myself settled- it doesn’t mean that’s what will happen for you- but I am very happy I went through the experiences that I did. Without those experiences, I would not be where I am without them. Even though I thoroughly enjoyed college, I can tell that I am going into the better part of my life as I am about to turn 26. Trust me, the same thing will happen for you!

Life is just a wonderful journey! Enjoy it!

- Blissfully Jess2

Turning Pain into Power: Healing From Broken Love

This is a topic that I debated on writing about. Frankly, I wish I could delete the memory of this relationship & person from my mind forever and never speak of it again. I also didn’t want to be disrespectful to my current relationship in any way, so I kept putting off this blog topic. Then I came across this picture last week while scrolling on Instagram:

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This reminded me of what my ex-boyfriend used to tell me. Now I see this  picture and think “yeah, duh!” At this point, it doesn’t hurt anymore. But, I do know there are some women (& men) who are currently in an emotionally abusive relationship like I was. Maybe currently hearing these things from the person they love. Maybe someone is trying to muster up the courage to leave the relationship, or maybe they are trying to heal the open wounds of a breakup. I’m hoping that by me writing this & telling my story about how I moved forward might help someone that is going through a similar situation.

I’m here to tell you I know how painful it is & yes, you can find love again. The love that you deserve. It is possible to turn that pain into power.

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Here are some things this individual said to me:

“You’re too emotional.”

“I’m too busy.”

“My goals are bigger than your goals.”

I felt like I had to be better & do better. I constantly felt like I wasn’t enough & I had to do everything I could to make him happy. I was in this relationship when I was at the lowest, most depressed time in my life. I did not love myself and found “love” through him, I was pretty much dependent on the relationship. I was in denial about how toxic it truly was, kept blaming myself, thinking I was doing something wrong every single day.

Until he said something along the lines of this to me:

“We’re only together because you’re too emotional & I’m too busy to deal with it if we break up.”

That was the moment that it hit me that I did not want to be with this person. I wanted to respect myself more than to be with someone who treated me like trash. So, I initiated the break up, blocked his number & blocked him on all social media. I went from one day relying on him completely for my “happiness” to having to figure out how to love myself again. Let me tell you what, it was really freaking hard, but 2 years of healing & I am so happy I did it.

Everyone handles break ups differently, so it will look different for everyone. But, for me, I focused on myself & my friendships. This breakup was also when I realized that I had neglected my friendships for a year and a half for the most part. After feeling so lost and unhappy for so long, I really just wanted to find myself again & be truly happy.

I journaled.. A LOT. I went to counseling. I cried. A LOT.

What I had to learn was to let myself feel the emotion that came to surface at every moment. The rollercoaster of emotions every day, throughout the day was crazy. I would be doing homework & randomly felt like I had to cry. So I did. I think often we feel guilty for feeling this way. “You should be happy that you’re not in that situation anymore!” Well, yes. But the emotional damage is real & it doesn’t heal overnight.

My mom also told me “You don’t have to have everything figured out right now.” I didn’t feel ready to delete all of the pictures off my phone or give away the jewelry he got me. So, I approached those things when I was ready to deal with them. About 2-3 months after the breakup I deleted all the pictures off of my phone & completely cleared him off of my social media accounts. Now I’m selling the jewelry he got me! I think that piece of advice my mom gave me was very important. It is important to make sure you are dealing with certain things when you are ready to do so. That definitely helped me not feel completely overwhelmed.

If I could go back time, I would have never got in that relationship, knowing what I know now. It was an empowering thing to experience because now I finally understand my worth & I’m not afraid to stand up for myself anymore. Not to mention I finally found the love I deserve with such an amazing guy! There’s always a silver lining, even though it might not be obvious right away, or still hurts years later.

Finding Love Again


You will know when you are ready to jump back into the dating game again. But, what I wasn’t ready for was all of the emotions from my past to come back once I started again. I hadn’t felt those emotions in a LONG time, from when I was in the bad relationship. I could feel myself pulling back & naturally just wanting to retract, protect myself & not fall for the same mistake again. It was really hard, harder than I expected. It took a lot of time & patience for me to get to the point where I’m at now. I kept fighting for the relationship & have now been with my current boyfriend for a year and a half!

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Finding love again is possible. But, you have to fight for yourself first. You have to let yourself feel the pain, so you can grow and eventually turn that pain in power. Power over your own life & your own happiness. It’s hard & at times you might feel like giving up. It’s OK! You’re not alone & you are not “crazy” for feeling how you feel. You do what you need to do to get to where you need to be. It takes time & it takes patience. Most importantly, it takes choosing yourself over anything else first.

The most important thing that I got from this experience is my strength and power over my life. It taught me a lot of lessons and I can’t even begin to explain how much I’ve grown from the experience. Would I still go back in time and not get involved with that person? Yes, absolutely. That would’ve saved me a lot of pain & heartache. But, you have to move forward with your experiences. You must turn that pain into power. Pain isn’t fun. But it’s what we do with that pain that can make all of the difference.

I hope you found this to be helpful if you are going through a similar experience! If you are going through this kind of emotional pain, don’t give up on yourself & know that you are not alone. Feel free to reach out to be personally if you need any additional advice or guidance!

- Blissfully Jess2

 

 

Time Management While Working From Home

Progression, not perfection.

I’ve always thought I had pretty good time management skills. I balanced a LOT of things while in college.. From regular school work, cheerleading practice, workouts, studying, work, etc., I thought I had it all figured out. Turns out, things are a little different when you are in the “real world”.

In college, you kind of have your schedule figured out for you, based on when you have class, practice, work, etc. When you have your own business & work from home, you have EVERYTHING to figure out on your own!

-Figuring out what is most important

-How long certain tasks will take

-What order to do the tasks in

-Where to even start?

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I very quickly realized that I had A LOT of trial and error to do. I had a lot of figuring out what will work for my schedule & won’t. It really sounds a lot easier that it really is! Working from home is great, but you have a lot of time to work with that you aren’t used to. Figuring out what to do & when can be tricky. But, I’m here to provide some insight into what I’ve learned to be helpful in my journey so far!

BRAIN DUMP!


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When I first started, I felt so overwhelmed with all that I felt like I had to do. I would sit down to do it, then have no idea where to even start. So, I found that by taking the time to just brain dump everything onto a piece of paper. I mean EVERYTHINGGGG.

I would even categorize everything.

From each client & their platforms- what is EVERYTHING that I need to do for each client?

What is everything I want to do for my business?

For my social media platforms?

What blog do I want to work on next?

         What do I want to talk about this week?

ORDER OF IMPORTANCE


What needs to be done ASAP vs what can wait a little bit? This is honestly easier said than done. It took some time to figure out what items were pressing & what items were not. Like I’ve mentioned, these things can take some time!

WHAT WORKS FOR YOU?


As we all are aware, everyone is different, which means the ideal schedule looks different for everyone.

For me, I know I work better first thing in the morning & tend to slow down as the day goes on. I like to get all the tasks that needs the most brain power from 7am-11am & save the other tasks to the afternoon/evening. I know my motivation starts slowing down from 11am-2pm, so I let myself take a break & do low energy things. Sometimes I will run some errands at this time, take my cat outside, check my social media accounts, as well as my clients. If I feel like I am having trouble concentrating in the afternoon, I’ll go to a coffee shop for a couple hours to get some work done. I recently realized that I like to work on my blog at the end of the day, because writing is always a form of self-care for me.

Everyone is different & our schedules will vary from person-to-person. Starting your own business & working from home is such an incredible experience. I felt so overwhelmed in the beginning because I just had no idea where to even start. I felt so overwhelmed with everything I had to do, but had no idea what I even had to do, let alone figure out where to begin.

Take it day-by-day. You will continue to learn what works best for you as time goes on. It’s important to allow this adjustment period & make adjustments when needed.

MOST IMPORTANT THING I LEARNED


Listen to your body! Know when you are feeling exhausted & burnt out. Truth is, overworking yourself will do more harm than good. Creative juices will stop flowing, you’ll get even more overwhelmed & exhausted.

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The turning point for me was the day I decided to let myself sleep in on a Wednesday. I went to bed at 9pm & woke up at 7:30am. I. Felt. Amazing. I remember waking up just feeling so refreshed, my mind was clear & I have been unstoppable ever since. There were so many ideas coming to my mind that I wanted to do with my business. It literally did not happen until I gave my body some TLC!

Bottom Line: Let yourself sleep in every once in a while. Give your body some TLC when you need it. Take a bubble path, go on a run, drink some wine, CHILL. OUT. Do whatever you need to do!

I hope you found these tips to be helpful! If you are starting your own business & working from home, feeling overwhelmed and stressed, I feel you. It’s a work in progress, I’m still working on it as well. But, we are here to support each other & provide as much guidance as possible!

- Blissfully Jess2

Why I’m not a fan of goal setting

Ah, goal setting. It’s something that we’ve always been taught as good practice & we all know that setting goals for ourselves is extremely important for continued success & personal growth.

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Truth is: I’m not a fan of goal setting. This is because I always have high expectations for myself, set big goals for myself, then perseverate on making sure I achieve those goals. Which seems all fine & dandy, but when I work myself to exhaustion & don’t even end up achieving those goals, it’s very disappointing. What I’ve learned along the way, is that you have to make sure you are setting the right goals for yourself & approaching them the right way. I never really thought there was a “right” or a “wrong” way to set goals. Goals are goals.. right?

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Going into 2018, I had so many big goals for myself. I’ve mentioned this before many, many times. If you haven’t already, feel free to read My journey from a struggling high school student to starting my own businessFirst month of entrepreneurship & Gaining confidence to be my true, authentic self! I  had no reason to believe I was not going to achieve all of them because they seemed completely reasonable & achievable. I ended up reaching NONE of my goals that I set for myself. None. I let the stress of constantly worrying about & stressing over achieving those goals that I kind of just let it control me. I let it completely take over everything, completely fogging my vision. Especially my happiness & mental health. The constant perseveration lead me on a long road to accomplishing nearly nothing.

Towards the end of 2018, I started thinking: “Why am I setting goals if I can’t achieve them?” Maybe I should just stop setting goals for myself because I just get down on myself when I don’t achieve them.” During this time, someone also said something to me that really got me thinking. “You are making goals that are not in your control. You need to break those goals down into smaller goals that are in your control.” Honestly, that makes so much sense. I have been focusing so hard on goals that are ultimately not in my control, like finding a job. That decision is ultimately not in my control, but the little things building up to that decision are in my control.  Seems like an obvious, but sometimes it takes a learning that for myself to really understand it.

Going into 2019, I knew that I had to make a change and approach my goals a little differently. It’s not that I didn’t want to set out to achieve anything, because there was so much that I still wanted to achieve. But, I didn’t want to go down the same path. Instead of setting concrete goals and setting “New Year’s Resolutions”, my main goal going into 2019 was: Achieve Happiness. I really just wanted to take everything that I’ve learned the last couple years, all the lessons learned & focus solely on making sure I’m happy.

It’s only April of 2019 & I’ve pretty much accomplished all of the goals I failed to achieve in all of 2018. I had set out to achieve all the things I wanted last year, but this year I didn’t put all the pressure on myself to achieve those things.

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I started seeing success when I just stopped letting my goals control my mind. I started achieving my goals when I shifted my focus away from constantly being worried about achieving those said goals. The goals were still there, but the stress & pressure on myself to achieve those goals were not. I wanted to let the universe do it’s thang and guide me to where I’m supposed to be. Take it one day at a time. Learn my lessons as I go. Adjust when I need to.

IT’S. WORKING.

I have taken the stress off of myself to achieve all those “big” goals. Instead of focusing on a timeline and when I want to achieve those big goals, I’m taking it one day at a time. Believe it or not, big things are happening. Every day I am learning about new opportunities & I’m growing more than I ever knew I could without constantly being worried about “goals”.

Some might think that focusing on happiness, rather than setting concrete goals might be me being naïve to the realities. But, sometimes you have to make adjustments when things aren’t working. My goals weren’t working for me, so what’s the best thing to do when something isn’t working? Try something else.

At the end of the day, we all need to be setting goals for ourselves. They are great & it feels great when you achieve them. Goals themselves are great, but the stress & pressure on ourselves is not. Those big goals are still there and I know that I will achieve them when it’s time. For now, I’m focusing on one day at a time, focusing on the tasks that I’m in control of in the present moment.

When you focus on what you are in control of, it opens your eyes to a whole new world of opportunities!

- Blissfully Jess2

Getting Fired Was The Best Thing to Happen to Me

When one door closes, another one opens.

Getting Fired Was the Best Thing to Happen to Me

To clarify, I mean in my professional career, being able to do exactly what I want & fulfill my happiness.

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When I first realized that clinical work was not for me, it started me off on a 3 year stress-filled journey to figure out where I was supposed to be. I became so overwhelmed & completely engulfed in trying to get this figured out.

When I finally got a job offer in May 2018, I thought it was the “big break” I was looking for. I tried to convince myself that I really enjoyed it and a good fit for me. I felt like this had to be it because I’ve worked so hard and stressed out so much about it that this had to work out.

I was completely overwhelmed, the job was not a good fit at all. I overworked myself trying to make myself good at the job. But, I wasn’t. I was so engulfed in trying to get my professional career off, I was completely risking my mental health. But, I was OK with it because I knew that you have to start somewhere, especially at the bottom. I knew that I had to work through the discomfort before getting to where I wanted to be. So, I kept going and kept trying. Even when I wasn’t at work, I spent every waking minute trying to figure out how I could be better at the job.

I got so overwhelmed & had completely abandoned all of my daily self-care habits. I got to a point where I felt like I was feeling depressed again. I didn’t have health insurance because I was waiting for my new insurance to kick in. So, I was trying to figure out how I was going to pay out of pocket to see my doctor and get on meds.

Then, I got fired.

At the end of my 5th week on the job, I was brought into the office at 6:45am and they fired me. I had to pack up my desk into my purse, while the other employees around me just watched me while I was in complete embarrassment. I rushed out the door with my tail between my legs, and haven’t been the same since.

Thank. Goodness.

In that moment, I was feeling numb, pretty confused about what just happened. I went home and for the first time in YEARS, I allowed my mind to STOP. I was forced into a period of self-reflection. What’s next? I had such a hard time getting an interview for a job and now I have to explain why I had 3 jobs in 6 months, one being for only 5 weeks. I have to be honest, I was tired of revising my resume and trying to explain my professional journey thus far. I get that it’s what you “have” to do, but man it’s exhausting.

So, I decided not to look for another job. I decided that it wasn’t worth trying to explain myself, my knowledge, my expertise, my belonging to Corporate America. I was ambitious and ready to get the show on the road, but I was so emotionally exhausted. I didn’t know which way to go, or what the next step was going to be. The unknown of the future was so blurred, even more than before.

My dad offered to give me a position at the business he and his friend started up. They needed help with marketing and social media. They weren’t able to pay me much, but it was something to give me some kind of experience and knowing that my efforts were at least appreciated.

It ended up being the biggest blessing.

I loved the flexibility. Not being constantly stressed all the time, actually doing things I actually enjoyed doing. I was able to make the position my own, exercise my abilities and showcase all of my knowledge and talents without being micromanaged.

That’s when I was 100% certain that I was not meant to be a part of Corporate America. That’s also when I realized WHY I was never given a chance. I’m not meant to be there.

That’s OK. I’m realizing that now. Starting my own business is really freaking hard. I’m doing this all on my own, trying to figure everything out & make a living for myself. But, I am able to utilize my knowledge, expertise, education and my work experience thus far. Honestly, my resume doesn’t make much sense. I have 3 years of clinical work, 3 months in childcare, 5 weeks in recruiting and a Master’s Degree in Business Psychology. I can imagine recruiters looking at my resume and thinking: “This girl seems confused.”

Thank U, Next.

So, here I am. Trying to put together the pieces of my business at my parent’s house all day with my cat. Even though it’s hard as heck, I wouldn’t change a single thing.

This means even better opportunities are on the horizon.

Yes they are girl, you better believe it. Whatever you do, DO NOT give up.

- Blissfully Jess2

First month of entrepreneurship

Who else thinks January flew by?!

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The first month of the year did not go as I expected, but it never does, does it??

In November & December, while I was planning my business, I was super excited & energized to be working on my business. It was a cool feeling and I truly enjoyed working on it. But, the moment I made my announcement, everything shifted. I found myself getting overwhelmed and exhausted. A week in, I was thinking to myself, “what did I just get myself into?” It’s like everything became real. Up until that point, I obviously knew it was happening, but it didn’t really hit me until it became official. I immediately started feeling frantic, like I needed to get everything figured out. I felt like I had so much to do, I would get up early, sit down and have no idea what to do.

I did not decide to start a business because I thought it would be “easy”. But, I did quickly realize that I wasn’t as prepared as I thought I was going to be. That’s probably a main reason for why I was feeling so unsure when I would sit down to get work done. My schedule & tasks have changed so much over the last year and all of a sudden everything I do is completely up to me to figure out. I am running a one woman show. I do the planning, creating, developing, analyzing, making phone calls, initiating emails, etc.

A week into January, I felt like I failing at running a business. I got to a point where I had to ask myself,, “what am I even failing at?” I had to give myself a reality check and slowwww downnnnn. I had multiple messages on LinkedIn, a handful of people that were reaching out wanting to collaborate and build a partnership, a handful of people wanted to help me network. I mean, I had to remind myself that opportunities were sitting right in front of me.

I always like being prepared and no matter how long & hard I worked to prepare for the launch and get my business organized, I wasn’t ever going to be completely prepared. The unknown & unpreparedness are two top things that stress me out and overwhelm me. I quickly realized that I had no idea the opportunities and the work that I had to do. I also understand that this happens. I did lots of research afterwards to make sure this was “normal”. I now have those targeted Facebook Ads about being a stressed out business owner & realized that what I was experiencing is normal.

The important thing that I had to understand & remind myself is that you have two important choices: 1. Let yourself continue to be overwhelmed & let the situation control you OR 2. Learn from this situation & continue moving forward. This has been a life motto of mine forever & when you’re in the moment it can be so hard to follow through with the latter option. Especially when you don’t know how to move forward from the situation. It’s like you know that you’re doing something wrong & there’s a major life lesson, but you’re not entirely sure what it is or where to go next.

So, I began overworking myself, stressing myself out… falling asleep between 6pm-7pm because I was so exhausted. I was more exhausted by the feeling that I wasn’t sure what I needed to do to keep moving forward. This goes back to my feeling that I just want to be successful. I was so focused on trying to be successful right away & make enough money that I was getting overwhelmed.

So, I had to take a step back and analyze the situation and figure out what I needed to do to get myself on track and moving forward. Burn out is a very real thing & I knew I was heading in that direction if I continued doing what I was doing. I needed to get my mind & my focus back on track. I decided I needed to stop writing blogs for a little bit (even though I only had written 2 lol), let myself sleep in & start reintroducing a self-care routine! Towards the end of January, I decided to attend webinars, educate myself even more & developed an even better system to keep myself organized. I even came up with even more things that I want to do with my business. I’m continuing to gain more confidence in my abilities and where this business will take me.

This is an adventure. Honestly, working from home, being my own boss, building a business that I love & I am proud of, making a positive impact on people’s lives… that makes all of this worth it. At the end of the day, I am so grateful for this opportunity. I am truly blessed to be able to be building a life & a business that I love & gives me so much energy.

One of the most important lessons I learned in January was: Say “yes” more often. I had a handful of people reach out & want to learn more about what I do and see if there was an opportunity for collaboration. I ended up meeting a handful of people and learned a lot from each person. I’m learning more and more how to get out of my comfort zone & be as successful as I want to be.

I am young. I’m still learning. I’m still growing. But, we all are, right? You never stop.

So, how was your January?!

- Blissfully Jess2