Life – Blissfully jess

Breaking Free From Society & Creating A Life You Love

As someone who studied psychology in college and has always been fascinated by human behavior, I understand the importance of “fitting in” and being accepted. It’s just a human necessity.

This can mean social acceptance, which is important for psychological and mental health. But, what about not fitting into generalized education and expectations?

We are taught in our education system the information that we must be able to master to move onto the next level. But, what if your strengths and potential aren’t highlighted in those generalized areas? Are you just doomed to failure?

This is exactly what happened to me and what I know a lot of people struggle with. You can read more about this experience in My journey from a struggling high school student to starting my own business.

My strengths and potential were not highlighted in generalized education and expectations. I struggled in high school. When I say struggled, I mean STRUGGLED. I failed about 90% of the tests I took. I quite literally passed high school with test corrections and test retakes.

I couldn’t figure out what was wrong with me. I did everything that I was told I needed to do to master and understand the material. I studied hard. I tried all the techniques. I went into school early to get help and stayed after school. I did all the things and still couldn’t get it figured out.

I remember wanting to be successful so bad. But, there were times when I just thought that I wasn’t smart enough and didn’t have what it took to reach a level of success that I had always envisioned for myself. At that time, I wanted to get my doctorate in psychology. It was always a goal in the back of my mind. But, how could I possibly expect to get my doctorate when I was BARELY passing high school?

There were so many times when I was so frustrated because I just wanted to be smart like everyone else. I didn’t want to feel “dumb” and incapable.

What I didn’t realize at the time, is that I was completely capable of success, it just looks a little bit different than the majority of people. I have unique talents and expertise that makes me so special and just as capable of success. I just had to work a little harder and go through some extra hoops to figure it out.

Our system teaches us that everything is going to be accomplished in a straight, linear line. There’s no telling what will happen if/when it doesn’t work out that way. So, when your life doesn’t progress like we thought it would, we immediately think that something is wrong.

Something is wrong with me.

You go to school, get a degree, get a job, work until retirement. You’ll make enough money to get by, but never enough to be truly satisfied. That’s just life, right? That’s just the way it is.

But, what if there’s something more? I believe there is. You can read more about my opinion on this in my post about Why I’m Proud of Millennials and Proud To Be One.

I envision a fantasy life that I believe is completely attainable.

I want to create something for myself, a life that I truly love living. I want to wake up every single morning, excited for the day ahead of me. I want my work to energize me, maybe even feel like I’m not really doing “work”. But, I want to make a difference and an impact.

You can sit at a desk for 9 hours a day, working “hard”, but not feeling fulfilled and like you’re truly making a difference in the world.

I believe in a world that isn’t micromanaged.

A world that allows you to be who you are and make the impact that you are meant to make. Whatever that looks like for each person. Whether that means with a degree or no degree. We were all put on this earth for a reason and I believe that it is possible to live out that dream.

We’re taught that dreams are meant to be just that… Dreams. You must go to work and work until you are told that you can be done. If you’re already done with your work, scroll on your phone and pretend to be working until it’s time to go.

If you hate what you do and dread Mondays, why not go on a journey to finding something that truly energizes you?

For me, I’ve always wanted to make a difference in people’s lives. I knew that was my calling from a young age. It fires me up and makes me feel amazing. But, my career path has not been able to fulfill this for me. Even the business I’ve created at times. Sometimes, you have to be able to understand when and where it’s time to make a change.

At the end of the day, you are in control of your life. Only you are fully in control of your life.

It’s h a r d and frustrating to figure out what in the world you are supposed to be doing on earth. You feel like there’s only so many times you can fail and get back up without getting completely discouraged. Fearing that you just might make a complete fool of yourself.

We’ve all been there and we don’t like it. But, at some point, it’s time to put pen to paper and really dig into who you are as a person. What you are meant to be doing on this earth. Sometimes, your journey doesn’t look like what others look like and that is completely fine!

So… how do you create a life that you truly love? Here are some things to think about.

What are some of your unique talents?

Like, really unique. We all have unique talents that makes us who we are and makes us so special. We all have something special & incredible to offer the world.

There was one part of You Are A Badass: How To Stop Doubting Your Greatness And Start Living An Awesome Life by Jen Sincero that really sticks out to me and I think is incredibly important.

She’s talking about going after your dreams, because someone out there needs what you have to offer. Sometimes our dreams seem so out of reach that we don’t really think about even trying to take action on them. I talk about this more in-depth in my post on A lot can happen in just ONE YEAR!.

What is something really energizes you?

This question seems really simple & easy, but it can be a tricky question. I know that it was for me when I was trying to figure out what it is that I really wanted to do. I just remembered how happy I felt when I was helping others work through any problems going on in their lives.

I went through a whole process and you can read more about it in BUSINESS PLAN FOR 2020 / CHANGES TO BUSINESS. If you are having a hard time coming up with ideas, you can always reach out to friends/family & get an idea of what you are really good at!

What are you really passionate about?

This can be anything! Think hard about this because I think it’s really important to be able to incorporate the things that you are truly passionate about in your everyday life. This doesn’t necessarily have to be in terms of your career, but just any hobby or anything that you really love!

What does your dream life look like?

We all have a dream life that we think about, but don’t always think it’s attainable so we don’t even think about trying to act upon them. Think reallll hard about what this life looks like for you!

How attainable is your dream life?

Like I already mentioned, we often think that our “dream life” isn’t really attainable, so we don’t even try to take any action to reach that dream life status. I used to think the exact same way until I started realizing that I am completely in control of the trajectory of my life.

I bet that your dream life isn’t as out of reach as you would think. It’s up to you if you are willing to put in the work, including the mindset work to reach those goals.

What actionable steps can you take to start living your ideal life?

What can you start doing TODAY to start making those dreams a reality? Are you going to start buying books and educate yourself more? Are you going to make it a goal to start putting yourself out in the world, jump out of your comfort zone so you can start growing & learning? Hire somebody to help you figure out how you can make those dreams a reality?

Trust me, there are probably simple steps that you can be taking TODAY to start living your dream life & start creating a life you love.

What would you be doing if the generalization of society wasn’t holding you back?

Yes, throw away whatever society says you should be doing! Screw that. This is your life and you are in complete control of the outcomes of your life.

Take away everything society says you should be doing and really think about what you would be doing with your life if society didn’t tell you what your life should look like!

Forget about society. Forget about generalization. This is all about YOU and what YOU want to get out of life! ❤

At the end of the day, I think that it is really important to really think about what it is that we really love to do and are passionate about. I think that the pressure that comes with the generalization of society can hold us back and make us feel like we can’t live a life that we truly love and makes us happy.

Life doesn’t always progress the way we are taught and doesn’t always look the same as everyone around us. The important thing to remember is to be true to yourself and not let the potential judgements & criticisms hold you back from living your life to the fullest. I believe it is possible, many people have done it before and many people are going to continue doing it.

The time is now to REALLY live your life! ❤

The Circle of Life / Navigating the loss of loved ones & tragic events

I started writing this post MONTHS ago when I was on my way to visit my grandmother. I started writing it in the car when emotions were high. Life happened and I never got back to finishing this post. I remember planning on publishing it shortly after she passed, but never got around to it because things got busy.

But, recent events going on in the world have me back to feeling high into emotion.

We are constantly going through the motions of life, focused on whatever is going on in our lives, until something happens that forces us to take a step back and really reflect.

I have been all focused on my business this past month. I’ve been really motivated and, but with that I’ve been neglecting my own self-care that I preach about. I was aware this was happening, but I told myself that it was OK because I wanted to take advantage of this motivation that I was feeling.

I was getting so much done and it was incredibly liberating to feel that energy again because I had been lacking it for months. There’s so much that I want to do and I was finally feeling the motivation and the drive to actually put that desire to ACTION.

Then, the series of tragedies to start 2020 began. My heart always hurts a little bit when tragedies happen. Especially ones that are so widespread and effect so many people. From the fires in Australia, a series of fatal house fires here in my home town, senseless crimes, reading news on my feed of people I know losing loved ones.

Then, we received the news about Kobe Bryant and for some reason, that news hit me like a ton of bricks and all of my emotions started pouring to me. The more we learned about the accident, the more heartbreaking the whole story became.

I think Lizzo said it best her grammy speech,“This week I was lost in my problems, then in an instant all of that can go away and your priorities really shift.”

We all take life for granted at times. We are all so blessed to be here and often don’t take the time to really appreciate that. Tomorrow isn’t guaranteed, but things happen, tragic things happen. Not only to us, but to our loved ones.

I did want to remind everyone that it’s okay to be sad and angry and frustrated when things happen, because they will. It’s hard to understand & comprehend why bad things happen to good people & it’s impossible to justify why they happen.

Whatever you do, don’t suppress your feelings & emotions. Cry if you need to, yell if you need to, curse into your pillow. Do what ever you need to do to release those emotions from your system, into the universe.

Give yourself permission to be sad during tragic times & don’t forget to take care of yourself.

The series of tragic events have forced me to stop and think for a moment. Think about things that are really important to me that I’ve been neglecting because I have been so focused on my work I’ve been working SO HARD and I have been able to accomplish some really amazing work over the last couple weeks of this new year. I’ve put my own self-care on the back burner, and a lot of other things that are really important to me. But, these events have forced me to come back to this blog post that I had started 4-5 months ago. It brought me back to losing my grandmother this past fall and how grateful I have been to have all of my grandparents in my life for so long.

I have been so lucky to have had ALL of my grandparents for 23 years. All four of them. It was something that I didn’t realize how lucky I was and how rare that is. Not only did I have 2 amazing parents, but I also had 4 amazing grandparents.

It was always a blessing to know that my parents would show their support for my brother and I by coming to our sports games and any other activities we were involved in. We always knew that we would look up in the stands and see them cheering us on. Then at least once a year, we would look up in our stands and see both sets of grandparents up in the stands with them.

We would receive phone calls on our birthdays, birthday cards, Christmas cards, lots of family gatherings. I mean, I had the best childhood and was so incredibly blessed that I had that in my life for 23 years.

In April 2016, my mom’s mom was put on hospice and passed away a short time later. It was the first time when I really had to experience intense grief. It was when I saw my own mom struggling to deal with the loss of her mother and have to take care of her father because he slowly started to decline after her passing.

He started to decline. My mother and her siblings had to take turns taking care of him until it was his time to be called Home. This is the Circle of Life.

Just 2 short months later, my mom’s father passed away. The grief was almost overwhelming. It was hard seeing my own mother so upset and having to deal with the intense grief that comes with losing both parents in such a short amount of time.

I didn’t deal with this loss well. At all. My mental health struggled and I was just extremely sad to see such an important part of my life disappear. But, in the process I gained some incredible guardian angels.

It then hit me that I will soon have to go through the same thing with my dad’s parents, especially since they are about 10 years older than my mom’s parents.

Well, September 2019 was that time. Time for us to prepare to say goodbye to my dad’s mom. As of right now, while I’m writing this, it’s Saturday September 14, 2019. My boyfriend and I are on our way to visit my grandmother. She was diagnosed with stage 4 cancer the weekend prior and was put on hospice. At this moment, she doesn’t have that much time. We are on our way to say our goodbyes.

It’s heartbreaking. It’s heartbreaking to see my grandparents go through this time in their lives and to ultimately leave earth. All the memories are just memories.

It’s hard to see my parents have to struggle to help their parents make the transition to be called Home. To see them have to make hard decisions.

This visit ended up not being the last time I saw her. I visited her again on October 22 with my mom and she passed away on October 25. At the end of the day, I miss all of my grandparents. I miss them dearly & wish that I could bring them back & heal the heartbreak my parents feel.

But, this is the Circle of Life. They did their part on earth. They lived their lives, but unfortunately all good things must come to an end. This is the hard part that comes with life, having to say goodbye to the ones that we love. To turn those happy fun moments into distant memories.

To carry their legacy with us. To keep their memory alive.

They lived their life, it’s time for me to live mine.

My 8 Step Process to Overcoming Depression

*Before I start, I want to emphasize the fact the depression is very serious. While I have a degree in psychology, I am NOT a trained professional. If you feel like you need professional help, please seek professional help immediately! These tips are what helped me when I was experiencing depression. Just know that you are not alone, we are in this together! ❤

National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 1-800-273-8255

Depression is an unexplainable thing. It’s extremely serious and a lot of people experience depression to a certain extent at some time in their lives. It can come at any time and affect people in different ways. While depression can be a very isolating feeling, I want everyone to know that you are very much not alone. It can be very difficult to understand that while you are going through feeling of depression, but I want anyone reading this to know that you don’t have to go through this alone.

Depression hit me hard and I was confused why I was feeling the way I was feeling because I truly have an amazing life. I was raised by the most amazing parents who gave me everything that I could have ever needed in my life growing up. I was always loved and truly had everything I needed to be happy. I have always been a naturally happy, cheerful, positive person. I have always loved that about myself and always wanted to spread as much happiness as possible. Which is why I wanted to pursue a career in psychology.

So, when I was feeling like I was slipping into depression, I honestly felt guilty and confused.

On paper, I had everything that I could have ever needed in my life. I had every reason to be happy. I knew there were so many people in the world dealing with much harder situations, so I truly felt guilty. I felt like I didn’t need to feel the way that I did. What I didn’t understand at the time is that anyone can experience depression. It doesn’t matter how blessed you feel like you are.

Depression isn’t just a “bad day” where you just “get over it” and move on. It’s not an emotion. Depression is serious and needs to be taken seriously. Most of the time, it takes some kind of therapy to dive deep into cognitive processes and treat the source as deemed necessary by a professional.

It doesn’t mean something is wrong with you or you did anything wrong. However, I completely understand and resonate with people who tell themselves this on a daily basis. I know how serious depression is and how damaging it can be. While I experienced mild depression, I didn’t need to be put on an antidepressant, however some people do need to be.

There were some things that helped me & I want to take the time to write out the process I used to climb out of the depression. I hope that anyone reading this finds some hope that they will be able to make it through this and be able to experience at least some relief. ❤

1.I WENT TO THERAPY.

The absolute number one thing I want to mention first is I sought out professional help. I tried to do it on my own, but I eventually realized that it just wasn’t possible. So, I found a counselor in my network and I started going to therapy. To be honest, I never thought I would be someone who went to therapy. I always saw myself as someone being the therapist. I thought that if I went to therapy, that would mean that I didn’t have what it took to be a therapist, because I should be able to help myself if I’m going to help others. If that’s you at all, just know that’s absolutely not true!

I truly give credit to therapy for really jump starting my healing process. If I didn’t have the therapy, I don’t think I would have been able to get through it, to be honest. It is so incredibly helpful to have a safe space to talk about everything going on, to cry if you need to and to have someone there to help you through it all. Every time I went, I would leave feeling 10 pounds lighter than I did when I walked in. Trust me when I say that the first step is to seek professional help. Trying to get through it on your own is almost impossible. It’s OK to allow yourself to get help if you need it!

2. I STARTED TAKING SELF-CARE SERIOUSLY.

In addition to counseling, there’s definitely some inner work that needs to happen between sessions. One 1-hr session biweekly isn’t going to deliver results, because there’s work that you need to do on your own to. I remember things like struggling to sleep at night became nightly occurrence. I was sleeping an average of 3-4 hours per night and I was always exhausted.

In my first session with my therapist, she gave me several things to do to start taking care of myself better. Some things she told me to work on were: journaling, meditation, getting outside, exercising. The more I started started really focusing on myself and my self-care, the more I started noticing things falling into place. It was a hard journey, but definitely worth it in the end. Make sure you are really prioritizing your self-care! If you want some self-care ideas, make sure you check out my post on The Importance of Self-Care. ❤

3. I STARTED JOURNALING REGULARLY.

Journaled, and journaled some more! I know I’ve talked about this a lot, but I give a lot of credit to journaling for my progress. There’s just so many benefits that can come from journaling if you do it regularly. It can be a little weird to get started because you might not know what to talk about, but I promise if you keep at it, it will become a habit and you will start uncovering a lot going on in your subconscious! I wrote a blog post all about the transformative experience I’ve had with journaling and you can read all about it in The Power of Journaling.

4. I DOWNLOADED THE SANVELLO APP (PREVIOUSLY PACIFICA).

I’m actually surprised that I’ve never heard anyone other than my therapist talk about this app. I used this app religiously for 1-2 years while I was healing. I love it because there are guided meditations, journal prompts, you can rate how your day is going and so many other things. There is a free version, but you do have to pay to upgrade to use all of its features. I would pay for a month or 2 at a time while I felt like I needed extra help. You can easily downgrade the update the settings in the iTunes app.

I would highly recommend this app if you feel like you need some extra help!

5. MADE IT A GOAL TO GET OUTSIDE everyday.

When I was feeling depressed, I noticed that all I wanted to do was lay in my dark room and watch TV. That’s literally ALL that I wanted to do. When I got home from work, I would change into the comfiest clothes I owned, turned off the lights and climbed into bed. That’s where I stayed until I had to get up the next morning for work. It could have been the most beautiful day outside & all I wanted to do was lay in bed in my dark room. So, I started making it a goal to get outside for at least 30 minutes a day. At least just sit outside on the patio, or even better, go for a walk. I just knew that I needed to get outside and get some fresh air.

What started as just sitting outside for a half hour, turned into actually getting some exercise. I started going on walks every morning when I got up. I would go for walks during the sunrise, take deep breaths and really take in the beauty of nature. I also started walking around during my lunch breaks at work. Just to get outside, walk around and debrief. Nature is truly powerful!

6. I STARTED EXERCISING AGAIN.

I have always been into exercising. I grew up an athlete and always enjoyed being in the gym. In a Behavioral Psychology class I took in college, I remember the professor asking us to write down one thing that would be a sign something was wrong if we stopped doing it. Something we are truly passionate about. For me, it was working out. So, when I found that I hadn’t gone to the gym in 2-3 months, I knew that I needed to slowly get back into it. Even if it just meant going on a walk in the evening. Just starting slow. Starting somewhere.

So, I started making it a goal to get to the gym a couple times a week after work. I slowly started making working out a priority again and started noticing myself feeling better about myself. You can read more about this in My Fitness Journey | Choosing Yourself First.

7. I started eating healthier.

Here’s the thing, I actually lost about 10 pounds while going through this. But, losing weight DOES NOT ALWAYS EQUAL HAPPINESS. Especially in this example because I was not making healthy choices. I wasn’t eating a lot and when I was, I was eating things like cliff bars for dinner. When I did eat, it wasn’t always the best food choices. Honestly, when you start fueling your body with nutritious foods, you start feeling so much better overall. Like everything, this takes a lot of time and patience.

I actually hired an online health coach that made a plan for me because I knew that I needed some help. While I completely understand that this isn’t always financially reasonable for some people, there are so many resources online to refer to in making some changes to diet. There are so many ways to make small changes throughout the day to keep damaging chemicals out of the body.

There’s just so much benefit to fueling your body with healthy, nutritious foods. Other than the known benefits to you physically, it can help with your mental health as well. Just simply changing my diet helped me start to feel better!

8. I started hanging out with friends.

I remember during this time, I wasn’t really motivated to go out and hang out with friends. I found myself wanting to just stay home and watch TV all day. While it was lonely, that’s what I preferred.

But, I noticed that when I did spend time outside of the house and interacting with my friends, that I actually started feeling better. So, I made it a goal to start making plans with my friends.

Even though you might feel exhausted and just want to lay around all day by yourself, just getting yourself out can make you start feeling better!

RECAP

At the end of the day, it’s taken about 2-3 years of working on myself to get to where I am today. There is no magic solution to feeling better and loving yourself again, or maybe for the first time. You’re not going to wake up one day feeling amazing. There’s not going to be a magic feeling that you are ready to conquer the world.

However, starting with small goals will turn into HUGE accomplishments. The process will look different for everyone. But, I know there are a couple universal things that will help most people. Those things being:

Getting professional help
Journaling
Getting outside
Exercising
Fueling the body with healthy, unprocessed food
Getting yourself out of the house and spending time with friends

One other thing I recommend doing is tracking progress. For me, this is done by writing in my journal. I keep all of my journals and sometimes refer back to them. I find myself looking back at the same day a year or two prior, just to see all of the progress I’ve made over the years. Just when you feel like you haven’t made any progress, you will realize how far you have truly come.

You got this! Don’t be afraid to reach out for help if you need it! ❤

Getting Over Extreme Burnout

If you’ve ever experienced extreme burnout, you know just how frustrating it can be. It’s something that happens to just about everyone at some point and it can be really difficult to get over it.

Over the last year of building my business, I had to go through a really important learning experience about building a business. The most prevalent thing that I had to figure out was how to schedule my time to best fit my schedule and how I work best. [You can read more about this in my post about 2019 Reflection + What I Learned In My First Year In Business.]

When you have a job, there’s already a process in place and you just have to learn it and adjustments are made when necessary. When you are building a business, you have to figure all of that out on your own. Especially if you are building your own business and just starting out, it’s most likely just YOU. A one woman/man show. Which is a very wonderful thing because you get to be in complete control of the business and build it exactly how you want.

But, it also means that you are to figure everything out by yourself. Figure out how to do everything, when to do everything. The best process that makes the most sense and works FOR you, in your favor.

What I learned is that you have no idea what you don’t know. You have to go through a learning/trial & error time period before the puzzle pieces start coming together. After the first year of my business, I definitely understand how a lot of people decide to stop pursuing their business because it can be incredibly mentally draining. You don’t know what you’re doing. You keep standing up, just to get knocked back down again. You question whether you have what it takes. You take on the wrong clients. Money isn’t flowing in like you wanted it to. You start feeling discouraged and maybe a bit burnt out.

You feel like you’re constantly shouting into the abyss, working way more than you have before and not getting very far. After you try so hard for so long with no system or understanding of what to do, it gets tiring, frustrating & overwhelming.

I’m learning that starting a business is a mental test.

It’s extremely hard and exhausting at first, but if you keep standing up, the pieces start falling into place. For me, I ended up falling into a really extreme burnout. I started despising my work. I had a hard time just getting myself to figure out what I needed to do when I sat at my desk in the morning. I was constantly exhausted and felt like I just needed to lay around all day.

It’s confusing and it’s hard. I’ve had to experience so many mental breakdowns. Moments of frustration because I just wanted to figure this out so I can finally get my career going. There were so many times when I just sat there and thought that maybe I didn’t have what it took to run a business and be successful like I thought I was capable of.

After dealing with what I describe as an extreme level of burnout for about 6 months, I can finally say that I have finally found myself climbing out of the dark whole that I accidentally worked myself into. It took lots of hard work. Lots of trusting the process. Lots of making myself stand back up even though I just wanted to stay down at times because it was easier… and less disappointing.

I know lots of people deal with burnout at some point and I know just how frustrating and exhausting it can be. I know my example I just talked about was about building a business, but burnout can happen to anyone at any time. No matter what situation you are getting burnt out from, all you want to do is feel excited and energized about what you are doing, but all you feel is exhausted and don’t feel like doing a thing. You want to get it figured out, but can’t seem to figure out how.

I wanted to share my tips about how I dealt with major burnout and how I managed to keep myself going, even though I really wanted to throw in the towel at times.

give yourself A BREAK

My number one tip is absolutely, without a doubt, TAKE A BREAK. When I say take a break, I mean give yourself a real break. I spent months trying to just lay down and give my body a rest, but I wasn’t giving my mind a rest. Meaning, I while I was laying there, I was still thinking about everything I still needed to do & trying to come up with a plan to get those things done. I would find myself scrolling on Pinterest trying to find helpful advice & get the inspiration I was so desperately looking for.

I was doing this pretty much everyday for several months, everyday getting more and more frustrated because I wasn’t getting anywhere. I was feeling an active resistance in my mind, just couldn’t focus on ANYTHING. Which was even more frustrating because I felt like I had so much to do and I was so deep in a mental funk that I couldn’t even figure out how to be productive.

It wasn’t until my business coach told me to take 3 FULL DAYS rest to do nothing. Clear my plate for 3 FULL DAYS and let myself [especially my mind] rest. The thought of taking 3 full days can be a really daunting thought at first. I thought there was no way I can take off 3 days because I have SO MUCH to do! I take about this more in 5 Steps For Getting Back On Track & Shifting Your Mindset!

But, it was either take the break, or let myself struggle with burnout & being productive. So, I took the break. I had to tell myself that this is what I needed to reset because what I had been doing thus far just wasn’t working. Sometimes, you just need to allow yourself to surrender and trust that this will work. I had to convince myself that what I was currently doing obviously wasn’t working & I HAD to try something different.

It did work. I came out of the 3 day break just feeling so much lighter and calm. My energy started coming back and I could just feel the difference. I am so happy I decided to trust that it would work because I would still be in that mental funk if I didn’t.

Take the break, friends. Like, a real break. It can be the best thing you do for yourself [& your business if applicable!].

Are you trying to do too much?

The answer is probably: YES! Holy moly, I was trying to do too much at once, it’s no wonder I started feeling burnt out when I looked back at everything I was trying to do. It’s really important that you take a step back and really think about all that you are doing and trying to do and if it’s really worth your time & effort at the moment.

However, I’m glad that I was trying to do a little bit of everything because I was able to figure out where I really wanted to focus most of my time. Everyone always tells you not to try to do too much at a time, which I agree because you simply can’t. But, if you find yourself getting overwhelmed, make sure you take a step back and really figure out what is worth your time at the moment and what can take a back burner.

Being able to identify the things that overwhelm you the most will be helpful in figuring out what you can hold off on at the moment. It’s OK to not do everything at once! This was also where I found it helpful to hire a business coach, because she was able to help me identify where I should be focusing my time and would give me the OK to hold off on some other things.

When you give yourself permission to let go of some things, you are letting your mind focus on ONLY the things that are really important at the moment. Trying to do too much is just exhausting.

JOURNAL & journal some more!

Am I sounding like a broken record yet? If you’ve read any of my other posts, you know that I’m a HUGE fan of journaling! I’ve mentioned journaling so many times in my most recent posts and you’re probably like, “OK Jess, we get it! You think journaling is great.”

If you’re new here, I invite you to read all about my transformative experiences with journaling in my posts about The Importance of Self-Care & The Power of Journaling.

I’m just saying… Maybe if I keep talking about it, you’ll start believing me! I just think that journaling about what’s going on can really help with getting everything that is bothering you out of your subconscious and onto paper can be incredibly powerful. This is one of my favorite things to do to start my work day because it helps me get some kind of clarity. It helps me understand what is going on in my mind and what I am struggling with that particular day. It also helps track progress and notice patterns.

TALK ABOUT IT

In addition to writing about what’s going on, I also find that talking to someone helps as well. This doesn’t have to be in a therapy session, it can be a friend or anyone who you trust with what is going on at the moment. I’ve noticed that there’s certain people that are easier to talk to about certain things. But, just talking to someone about what’s going on can make a HUGE difference.

Not to mention, they can help you see more clearly. Some things that might be foggy to you, might help getting some outside perspective. There are just some things that are helpful to seek help from and this is definitely one of those things.

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move your body/EXERCISE

I think everyone can agree that you feel so much better after getting in a good, sweaty workout. Even though you feel like just sitting on the couch all day doing nothing, just getting up and getting your sweat on can help turn your mood around.

I have been going to the gym first thing in the morning on weekdays for a year and a half now and it has been a game changer for me! You can check out my blog post on How/Why I Go To The Gym At 5AM & My Fitness Journey | Choosing Yourself First. Going to the gym early has ultimately helped my mental health, helped me stay on track with my workouts and has become my non-negotiable. Some of my best workouts have happened when I felt like I didn’t want to workout.

However, I do agree with giving your body a physical rest if that’s what you feel like you need. As long as you don’t continue to stay there. Give yourself a rest from the gym and get right back into it. I personally did this a couple times and I think this is also a good idea if you feel that’s what you need. Definitely listen to your body!

Seek inspiration, where ever it may be

For me, I get inspired by reading into and watching other women do what I want to be doing. I love to watch YouTube videos and even insta-creep. There’s something about seeing others killin it that gives me inspiration to keep going.

HOWEVER….

Try not to get too consumed by social media! There is such thing as too much of a good thing. If you find yourself going down a rabbit hole and not getting much benefit, it might be a good idea to turn it off.

This might not work for everyone! But, this is something that works for me. Maybe you find inspiration in other ways?? If you do, maybe try exploring that and see if it helps you at all!

Read a good book

I have also been talking about reading a lot lately. I’ve been talking about it a lot, because it really has helped me a lot. I’m not usually one to enjoy reading, but I have found reading to be very helpful when I was going through burnout.

I remember feeling desperate to find answers. I actually craved reading, which was odd for me, because I usually don’t like reading. But, I ordered some books and I started feeling myself get motivated.

I would give myself time to myself, away from social media, away from work to just read for 30 minutes to an hour. I was hooked and I started feeling better. But, you have to be consistent with it.

I mention about 5 books in my post A lot can happen in just ONE year & My Favorites, but here are my 3 favorites right now that I can’t stop talking about!

You Are A Badass: How to Stop Doubting Your Greatness and Start Living an Awesome Life by Jen Sincero

You Are a Badass at Making Money: Master the Mindset of Wealth by Jen Sincero

Everything Is Figureoutable by Marie Forleo

I hope you found these tips helpful! Trust me when I say I understand how frustrating burnout can be. I was struggling with burnout for what felt like 6 months and I just couldn’t seem to pull myself together.

For me, giving myself a break and taking a step back from everything is what really helped bring myself back together. When I’m in a constant state of chaos and overwhelm, it’s hard to do just about anything & I think that’s true for a lot of people.

Just know that you are not the only one going through this and you are going to come out on the other side stronger and more knowledgabale than you were before! These times can be seen as a great learning experience and opportunity for growth. Coming out, you will have a better understanding of yourself and know more about what to do and not to do in the future!

5 Steps For Getting Back On Track & Shifting Your Mindset

We’ve heard it all before, but I think that it’s something extremely important: progress is never in a straight line. We all want it to be, though. This is true and relevant in just about every aspect of life. We get in a good system, start losing weight, get our social lives together, whatever it may be, then something happens to throw us off track.

It happens to all of us and it happens in just about every situation in life pretty much. It’s frustrating because you just want to keep moving forward. Things were going so well and you just want to keep going forward. Moving backwards, in any capacity and in any way is frustrating. It feels like you’re taking 2 steps forward and 1 step backwards.

I used to get really hard on myself when this happened. I would be in a good system, a good rhythm, my healthy habits were on point. Then, something would happen to get everything all messed up. I would get frustrated and mad at myself for letting myself get to that point. I would be mad for not being able to handle it and ultimately “letting myself go”. Then, this negative self-talk would spiral into more negative self-talk and I would begin going down a tunnel of neglecting my healthy habits and mental health more and more.

It seems dramatic, but it’s very true and I know it’s prominent for a lot of people. We continue to let ourselves spiral out of control until we get tired of it and decide we want to make a change, then the cycle repeats.

I felt inclined to write this post because I recently experienced this and I wanted to take the time to explain how I dealt with the stress. Over the years, I have learned a lot about how to handle these times in our lives and I think that what I have to say is important! It’s going to happen & it’s going to happen a lot, unfortunately. Whether we want to admit it or not, it’s inevitable.

I’ve learned that during these times when it feels like I’m “taking a step back”, it might actually be a good thing. I’ve learned that this might mean that I’m entering an important time for growth and a breakthrough is about to happen. It’s uncomfortable in the moment, but it’s necessary to take the next step forward.

Life kind of makes you stop, so you can keep moving forward. Now, this might sound counter-intuitive, but stay with me here!

I’ve learned to listen to the universe. To pay attention to these times when I feel like I’m falling off track because, sometimes, it doesn’t really mean that I’m falling “off track”. It’s the universe telling me that I need to slow down.

To be honest, life would be quite boring if things turned out exactly how we wanted all the time. If things worked out perfectly the first time and things continued in a straight line, there would be no growth, no learning experiences, no breakthroughs to celebrate. Times of reflection wouldn’t result in celebrating all of the hard work that was done and all the growth that happened. It sounds nice on paper, that everything will work out perfectly and all will end exactly how we expect.

However, these times are frustrating. It’s extremely hard not to just want to throw in the towel and stay frustrated. But, I encourage you to keep an open mind here because shifting your perception can result in a life changing breakthrough.

Here are some important things to remember during these times:

Don’t be hard on yourself

The most important thing to remember is that you must not get hard on yourself during these times. Beating yourself up for “falling off track” will get you nowhere except keep you going even further downhill.

I’ve noticed this to be especially prevalent in my early to mid-twenties and I think it’s pretty common around this age for most people. It’s the time in our lives when we are set free to really figure out who we are and what we are supposed to be doing with our lives. Every time we think we are getting closer to getting it figured out, something happens to throw us off track a little bit.

When this started happening to me, I was thinking that I was the only one going through this. I just assumed that everyone else my age was getting things all figured out and they were happily progressing without any problems. When you think you’re the only one going through something, it’s very discouraging.

Trust me, I know this very well. I spent about 3 years trying to find a job, getting another degree, revising my resume, countless applications & interviews and ended up getting fired from the job I finally got after just 5 weeks. Talk about discouraging! While it was frustrating and discouraging, I’ve come to realize that Getting Fired Was The Best Thing To Happen To Me!

The most important piece of advice that I received in terms of getting through this was to not beat myself up. If you can shift your perception on the situation to the best of your ability, you can see this in a whole new light.

Give yourself some grace here! If you want some extra tips, make sure you check out my blog on The Importance of Self-Care!

TAKE A BREAK

Seriously, take a break. Sometimes these times are meant to tell you that you need to slow down and give your mind & body some TLC. Make sure you listen to your body and rest if/when you need it.

For my most recent experience with falling off track, what helped the most was giving myself 3 full days off, away from work, completely focusing on myself. When I say a break, I mean a REAL break. I was trying to give myself breaks, but I was still constantly thinking about alllll the things I had to be doing or SHOULD be doing, scrolling on Pinterest trying to find some inspiration. I was resting my body, but I wasn’t letting my mind rest, which was making me even more exhausted.

Before you start rolling your eyes and thinking “OK Jessie, not everyone can just take 3 days off!“, hear me out. I know that giving yourself 3 days might seem out of reach or impossible, considering where you are in life. But, we all need to find time in our lives to give ourselves a break. We all need it and it might be just what you need to get on track. Maybe see if anyone can help you out for a day to get some things off your plate so you can rest. Giving yourself just one day completely to yourself could be the best thing you do right now!

journal

I’ve talked about the importance of journaling many times, but I find that it holds so many benefits. Especially if you feel like your progress has stopped, no matter what area, it’s always good practice to get everything out of your head and on to paper.

Sometimes, we have things going on in our subconscious that we don’t even know that’s weighing us down. Which is why I always think that journaling can be super powerful. Just getting all of your thoughts, everything that bothering you out of your head and on to paper might give you some clarity.

If you want to read more information on my transformative experiences with journaling, make sure you check out my recent post on The Power of Journaling!

Come up with an action plan

After you journal and get everything out of your head and on to paper, it can be easier to see what specifically needs to be done to keep moving forward. Think about what’s going on and why this “step back” is happening.

Get specific. Don’t just say “get back on track”. How exactly are you going to do it? Are you going to give yourself a mental health day? Brain dump everything that needs to be done? Drink more water?

Giving yourself realistic actionable goals is important to getting yourself back on track.

find the silver lining

I truly believe that everything happens for a reason. We are given certain “bumps” in our paths because we are supposed to go through a certain learning experience to prepare us for what’s to come.

Finding the silver lining in a situation like this, when we feel like we’ve taken a step backwards, is helpful in shifting our mindset. If you can conquer your mindset, you can conquer anything!

If you just rolled your eyes when you read that, try to hear me out because I think this is really important! If we’re constantly beating ourselves up about things and focusing on the negatives all the time, it’s going to be really difficult to get to where we want to be. Just hear me out & try to shift your perspective!

If you are still not convinced, I understand. Shifting your perception is hard and can take some work. But, I do want to share a resource that I’ve mentioned before that helped me shift my mindset.

It’s a book called, Everything is Figureoutable by Marie Forleo!

This book revolves around the phrase, “Everything Is Figureoutable“. Meaning, no matter where you are in life, what situation you are currently in, no matter how sucky or sad, it is figureoutable. Marie Forleo helps you get out of your mental BS to start living your life. To help you get out of that mental funk that you’ve found yourself in and start taking actionable steps to changing your mindset.

I’ve noticed that each time I go through a period where I feel like I taking a step back & I see a regression in progress, I learn more about myself. I’ve been able to learn about what helps & what doesn’t and I’ve been able to make changes to make sure that I continue to keep moving forward.

Taking a step back, in any way, in any situation is frustrating. But, the way you perceive the situation can be a game changer!

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BUSINESS PLAN FOR 2020 / CHANGES TO BUSINESS

If you know me or have been following me over the last year, you know that I began a journey of starting my own Social Media Management business in 2019. It was an opportunity that fell into my lap and I decided to give it a try. I spent two months putting together a business plan and preparing to launch the business on January 1, 2019. At the same time, I decided that I wanted to start a lifestyle blog because I wanted to figure out a way to also help make a difference in people’s lives. I wasn’t sure what my main goals were for starting the blog, but I felt a desire to start one and see where it would take me.

>> Have you read my 2019 reflection blog post?! <<

Towards the middle of the year, I started noticing a major shift in my energy towards my Social Media Management business. I started noticing myself almost having to force myself to get my work done and force myself to be creative when I really couldn’t get myself to think creatively. I was feeling extremely burnt out and I just didn’t know what I was supposed to do next.

After several months of trying to get myself to feel passionate about my business again, I realized that Social Media Management just wasn’t for me. It wasn’t where my true passion was and what I’m ultimately supposed to be doing.

In October 2019, after much contemplation, I decided to close the doors on my Social Media Management business and dip my toes into something else. This was a hard decision for me to make because I had to make a decision to decrease my income tremendously so I have the time and energy to build something that I love. I am very blessed to be able to be my own boss and create a life and a business that truly fulfills me.

I’ve mentioned this before, but I’ve always wanted to pursue a career helping others. In high school, I was always the friend that people went to for advice and I loved it. I loved helping others work through whatever they were going through and I loved that people felt comfort in coming to me for that advice. Helping others has just always been that one thing that came naturally to me.

Over the years, I’ve received my BA in Psychology, conducted research projects, got experience in clinical work, learned ethics & the importance of interpersonal communication, dipped my toes in other industries including childcare & sales, received my MS in Business Psychology, overcame depression, made the mistakes, started my own business, learned the hard way & worked through every obstacle that tried to stop me from continuing to move forward. It’s taken a lot of time, tears, confusion, frustration, feeling defeated and continuing to stand back up when it felt like it would be easier to just throw in the towel & accept that I just didn’t have what it takes.

So, going into 2020, I am going to be focusing my energy on building a Female Empowerment Coaching business.

I hired my own coach and we have been working through the process of getting this new business started and I am SO EXCITED! It’s a scary leap, much scarier than the last time I launched a business because I now know what I didn’t know last year. I’ve had to work through the mental blocks of worrying that I won’t be able to be successful at starting my own business. However, that fear is telling me that this is the direction that I am supposed to be going.

Life is a crazy journey. Sometimes frustrating, but also fulfilling if you choose. I believe we were all placed on earth for a reason and I want to help as many people as I can reach their full potential. I have the degrees, but most importantly, I have the experience.

So, going into 2020, I will be embarking on yet another entrepreneurial journey. I’ve made it through the first year of trial & error of building a business and I know so much more than that I did last time. I’ve made it through all of the mental blocks and I’ve learned what it takes to run a successful business. I know so much more about myself and I can’t wait to teach others how to get the most out of their own lives.

My Social Media Management business will always hold a special place in my heart. It definitely fulfilled a part of my life that I needed to prepare me for where I am supposed to go next. Through that business, I was able to learn from those around me and I will take those learning experiences with me into my next adventure.

I’m excited to take everything that I have learned and really turn it into something amazing. I’m getting to the point where I want to spread my wings and really delve into what makes me truly happy. I’m getting very excited about embarking on a journey to really hone into my true potential.

I am very grateful for the internet to provide me with the ability to make this impact and reach as many people as possible. I truly believe there’s more to life than just living for Friday. I want to live everyday and feel completely fulfilled. I want to be able to go into everyday loving what I do and make the difference that I want to make. Not only that, but I want to help others do the same as well!

The time is now to make the difference. I hope you decide to join me on this adventure to live our lives to the fullest potential! ❤

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Let’s start 2020 off right, with support and positivity. I hope to see you there!

My 7 Tips For Falling Asleep

A couple years ago, I was experiencing a difficult time in my life and with that came many sleepless nights. I remember laying in bed most nights, exhausted, but also wide awake. I was emotionally drained and could not get myself together, it seemed. Some nights I would toss and turn and would get about 3 hours of sleep per night. I was exhausted, but still couldn’t figure out how to make it better.

*I am not a trained professional, all of my tips are simply from personal experience and what worked for me.

I’ve always been someone that enjoyed falling asleep while watching TV. I knew that people said that it’s not a good idea to do this, but it never bothered before, so I didn’t see any problems with it. It worked for me until I went through the difficult time in my life when I was having a hard time sleeping. After struggling to sleep for a while, I decided that it was time to start researching & implementing some techniques to try out.

After doing some research online and getting some guidance from my counselor, I figured out several techniques that I could implement to help me fall asleep at night. Alas! I found a list of things to do that helps me sleep at night! So, I want to share them all with you. Nobody likes to toss and turn at night!

This might seem excessive to some people, but I actually try to give myself a good hour before I want to “fall asleep”. Giving yourself time to wind down & get your mind and body ready to fall asleep is super helpful.

Here are a list of things that I try to pull from every night. I hope some of these tips help you too!

Turning off electronics an hour before bed (Phone, computer, TV)

Like a lot of people, I have always enjoyed laying in bed, watching TV until my eyes get sleepy and about to fall asleep. I also got into a habit of doing some social media scrolling at the same time as well. But, when I started having a hard time falling asleep, I was experiencing some extreme anxiety and those things started to not help me out at all. I know a lot of people mention turning off electronics, but watching TV & scrolling really did help me out in terms of helping me fall asleep (so I thought).

So, I started turning off my TV and stop scrolling an hour before I go to bed. I’m not perfect and don’t always follow this, but when I do, it definitely helps being able to refocus and start calming my mind down. However, I know that some people actually enjoy watching TV right before bed and find it to be incredibly relaxing. Whatever works for you! But, if you start noticing constant struggle to fall asleep, I would recommend at least giving this a try!

Melatonin

About an hour before I go to bed, I usually take 3-6g of melatonin. This is just a natural remedy to help you naturally fall asleep. I personally love melatonin because it helps me fall asleep, but it doesn’t make me feel all groggy the next morning. When I take a sleep aid, I can sometimes feel all groggy and half asleep if I didn’t get enough sleep for the sleep aid to wear off. Right now, I am enjoying the Nature Made Melatonin.

Essential Oil Diffuser

I absolutely love my essential oil diffuser! An hour before bed, I also like to turn on my essential oil diffuser. There’s something so relaxing about diffusing lavender/eucalyptus/ tea tree oil to calm your mind. I have mine sitting right next to my bed on my night stand. I love climbing into bed with relaxing aroma already there, mmmm allll the calming feels right there!

The oil that I like to use is Pure Aroma because it comes in a package that contains allll of the oils that I like to use on a daily basis. I usually always have one package in my amazon cart because I know that I’m going to need a refill!

If you don’t have an essential oil diffuser yet, I would recommend getting one that comes with some oils to get you started, like this one. That way you can test out which oils you really like so you know which ones you would like to get a refill on.

Bubble bath/hot shower

One of my favorite things to do to wind down on a Sunday night is to take a relaxing bubble bath! I like to fill the tub with lavender bubble bath and bath salts. Light a couple candles, play relaxing music and soak for about 20 minutes or so. In my new apartment, I don’t have a bath tub (bummer), but I will sometimes take a hot shower before bed. Not exactly the same in my opinion, but it will have to do for now!

Reading

Reading is one of those activities that I really love, but I sometimes have a hard time getting myself to settle down with a good book. Instead of turning on TV to help me fall asleep, I started picking up a book and reading while in bed. Reading has been the perfect way for me to really calm my mind down and lets me naturally get sleepy. Sometimes I can only make it a couple pages before I have to turn off the lights. Recently, I’ve really enjoyed reading You Are A Badass How to Stop Doubting Your Greatness and Start Living an Awesome Life by Jen Sincero and Everything is Figureoutable by Marie Forleo.

Journaling

We’ve all heard about the major benefits of journaling. Maybe you are rolling your eyes at this point because you’ve heard it so much. Some nights I find myself talking myself out of it, but I’ve been trying to be better about it. Just picking up a journal and a pen and writing about your day- things that went well and what didn’t go so well. It really, REALLY helps to get everything out of your head and onto paper. Even starting off with a couple sentences every night might help to make it a habit. You never know what you might discover! It definitely helps getting everything out so it doesn’t sit on your subconscious.

Meditation

Ahhh, meditation. I personally have a love/hate relationship with meditation because I’m still really bad at it. I’ve been trying to make this a daily habit for a couple years now and it’s one of those things that takes some (lots) time to master. But, when I do practice meditation, I notice how much more relaxed and calm my mind is. Even if it’s just listening to calming music, rather than a guided meditation. Just a couple of minutes can work wonders! I do recommend getting some guided meditation apps on your phone to try out nightly. Most of them have free options so you don’t have to commit to monthly payments if you don’t think that you’ll need that kind of investment. Some guided meditation apps that I like are Sanvello, Calm & Simple Habit.

There you have it! Those are my 7 tips for helping with sleepless nights. I don’t do allll of them every single night. But, they have all helped in my journey to sleeping better. Nightly, I try to at least take melatonin, set my essential oil diffuser, journal & read.

Give these tips a try and let me know if any of them helped!