I started writing this post MONTHS ago when I was on my way to visit my grandmother. I started writing it in the car when emotions were high. Life happened and I never got back to finishing this post. I remember planning on publishing it shortly after she passed, but never got around to it because things got busy.
But, recent events going on in the world have me back to feeling high into emotion.
We are constantly going through the motions of life, focused on whatever is going on in our lives, until something happens that forces us to take a step back and really reflect.
I have been all focused on my business this past month. I’ve been really motivated and, but with that I’ve been neglecting my own self-care that I preach about. I was aware this was happening, but I told myself that it was OK because I wanted to take advantage of this motivation that I was feeling.
I was getting so much done and it was incredibly liberating to feel that energy again because I had been lacking it for months. There’s so much that I want to do and I was finally feeling the motivation and the drive to actually put that desire to ACTION.
Then, the series of tragedies to start 2020 began. My heart always hurts a little bit when tragedies happen. Especially ones that are so widespread and effect so many people. From the fires in Australia, a series of fatal house fires here in my home town, senseless crimes, reading news on my feed of people I know losing loved ones.
Then, we received the news about Kobe Bryant and for some reason, that news hit me like a ton of bricks and all of my emotions started pouring to me. The more we learned about the accident, the more heartbreaking the whole story became.
I think Lizzo said it best her grammy speech,“This week I was lost in my problems, then in an instant all of that can go away and your priorities really shift.”
We all take life for granted at times. We are all so blessed to be here and often don’t take the time to really appreciate that. Tomorrow isn’t guaranteed, but things happen, tragic things happen. Not only to us, but to our loved ones.
I did want to remind everyone that it’s okay to be sad and angry and frustrated when things happen, because they will. It’s hard to understand & comprehend why bad things happen to good people & it’s impossible to justify why they happen.
Whatever you do, don’t suppress your feelings & emotions. Cry if you need to, yell if you need to, curse into your pillow. Do what ever you need to do to release those emotions from your system, into the universe.
Give yourself permission to be sad during tragic times & don’t forget to take care of yourself.
The series of tragic events have forced me to stop and think for a moment. Think about things that are really important to me that I’ve been neglecting because I have been so focused on my work I’ve been working SO HARD and I have been able to accomplish some really amazing work over the last couple weeks of this new year. I’ve put my own self-care on the back burner, and a lot of other things that are really important to me. But, these events have forced me to come back to this blog post that I had started 4-5 months ago. It brought me back to losing my grandmother this past fall and how grateful I have been to have all of my grandparents in my life for so long.
I have been so lucky to have had ALL of my grandparents for 23 years. All four of them. It was something that I didn’t realize how lucky I was and how rare that is. Not only did I have 2 amazing parents, but I also had 4 amazing grandparents.
It was always a blessing to know that my parents would show their support for my brother and I by coming to our sports games and any other activities we were involved in. We always knew that we would look up in the stands and see them cheering us on. Then at least once a year, we would look up in our stands and see both sets of grandparents up in the stands with them.
We would receive phone calls on our birthdays, birthday cards, Christmas cards, lots of family gatherings. I mean, I had the best childhood and was so incredibly blessed that I had that in my life for 23 years.
In April 2016, my mom’s mom was put on hospice and passed away a short time later. It was the first time when I really had to experience intense grief. It was when I saw my own mom struggling to deal with the loss of her mother and have to take care of her father because he slowly started to decline after her passing.
He started to decline. My mother and her siblings had to take turns taking care of him until it was his time to be called Home. This is the Circle of Life.
Just 2 short months later, my mom’s father passed away. The grief was almost overwhelming. It was hard seeing my own mother so upset and having to deal with the intense grief that comes with losing both parents in such a short amount of time.
I didn’t deal with this loss well. At all. My mental health struggled and I was just extremely sad to see such an important part of my life disappear. But, in the process I gained some incredible guardian angels.
It then hit me that I will soon have to go through the same thing with my dad’s parents, especially since they are about 10 years older than my mom’s parents.
Well, September 2019 was that time. Time for us to prepare to say goodbye to my dad’s mom. As of right now, while I’m writing this, it’s Saturday September 14, 2019. My boyfriend and I are on our way to visit my grandmother. She was diagnosed with stage 4 cancer the weekend prior and was put on hospice. At this moment, she doesn’t have that much time. We are on our way to say our goodbyes.
It’s heartbreaking. It’s heartbreaking to see my grandparents go through this time in their lives and to ultimately leave earth. All the memories are just memories.
It’s hard to see my parents have to struggle to help their parents make the transition to be called Home. To see them have to make hard decisions.
This visit ended up not being the last time I saw her. I visited her again on October 22 with my mom and she passed away on October 25. At the end of the day, I miss all of my grandparents. I miss them dearly & wish that I could bring them back & heal the heartbreak my parents feel.
But, this is the Circle of Life. They did their part on earth. They lived their lives, but unfortunately all good things must come to an end. This is the hard part that comes with life, having to say goodbye to the ones that we love. To turn those happy fun moments into distant memories.
To carry their legacy with us. To keep their memory alive.
They lived their life, it’s time for me to live mine.
