How To Have A Glow Up & Transform Into Who You Want To Be

If you’ve found yourself frustrated with where you’re at, searching the depths of the internet for how to experience changes in your life for good, then you are in the right place! I’m laying out exactly what I did to have my own glow up and transform into the version of myself I struggled to become for so long and now coaching other women on their journey as well.

Lucky for you, I don’t gate keep!

Here’s what I did and how I had the most epic personal transformation & glow up that is now radiating onto every aspect of my life. Get your pen & paper ready. Save this post for future reference. Let’s dive in!

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I got real honest with myself.

First things first – I got real honest with myself. I had to admit to myself that my spark was gone, I wasn’t happy, my confidence & belief in myself was basically non-existent, I didn’t believe my business was all that great. I wasn’t proud to talk about my message or my offers.

I sat with the questions “what is it that I do not like?” & “what do I wish was different?”

I reminded myself that nobody was coming to save me – if I was unhappy & wanted things to change, I had to take responsibility & commit to the work to change it. I could no longer avoid it.

Getting honest is always the first step. It’s not about beating ourselves up, it’s about acknowledging & taking responsibility. With this understanding we can begin to brainstorm & take action on the next steps.

I let myself feel through emotions thoroughly & completely.

Giving myself permission to feel was like opening the flood gates. I cried. A lot. I felt a lot of hurt.

I let myself feel the anxieties/emotions/worries rather than pushing them away or getting frustrated with myself for them being there. I felt the emotions in my body- acknowledged them & thanked them for the armor & protection.

I knew these feelings were coming up for a reason. I had to let myself just feel without any judgment.

That’s the key here- feeling without judgment. Not sitting & simmering in “woe-is-me” thinking. Just feeling. Letting it be what it is. Let come up & come out what needs to.

Related: Self Care For Bad Days

Acknowledged the areas that I wanted to change.

After getting honest with myself & letting myself feel through the emotions, I acknowledged that there were 3 things that I really wanted to focus on: self love + self trust + self belief.

I realized that I didn’t love myself like I wanted to. I wasn’t talking kindly to & about myself. I was mad & frustrated with myself all the time. My self concept was hurting.

I didn’t trust myself. At all. In any area, really. To make decisions, to create & build what I really wanted to create & build. To run errands. To do things myself. I felt like I was paralyzed by this feeling of inability.

Above anything, I didn’t believe in myself or my business. I didn’t believe in my knowledge, my intelligence, my ability to make any kind of impact that I wanted to make. I didn’t believe in myself to do any of it.

Created a vision for who I wanted to become.

I started thinking about what this version of myself that I was working towards looked like. I didn’t have everything figured out, but to have an idea of what I was working towards.

I asked myself questions like:

Who is she?
How does she love herself? What is she doing differently?
What does trusting herself look like?
What does believing in herself look like?
How does she carry herself?

Unfollowed/muted/deleted people that made me question myself or triggered my negative thoughts about myself.

The “delete”, “unfollow” & “mute” buttons on social media became my bestie. I recognized that other people’s posts were really triggering my negative thoughts about myself. Even creators who I love & admire. The posts made me feel like I didn’t know enough, wasn’t good enough, wasn’t smart enough. All of my deepest insecurities were getting triggered.

So, they got removed. Then I dug into WHY I was getting triggered. The story that it was telling me because it had nothing to do with what they were saying and everything to do with my deep subconscious beliefs about myself. Until I worked through that, they had to get removed from my energy.

Started with real simple daily promises to myself that still felt challenging enough & built on it.

You know what feels really good? Keeping promises to yourself. Doing what you say you are going to do. I started with simple promises to myself each day. Nothing too crazy that felt completely overwhelming. Something simple, but still felt like it was challenging enough.

Things like,

“I’m going to turn my phone off for 25 minutes”
“I’m going to get up when my alarm goes off”
“I’m going to catch my negative inner dialogue”
“I’m going to make that phone call”
“I’m going to send that email”

As someone with ADHD, I’ve learned that my productivity skyrockets when I put my to-do list on sticky notes and randomly choose the task I’m going to work on. So, If it was an action-based promise, I would put it in my sticky notes and challenge myself to actually do it. It felt good to keep promises to myself.

Refused to say anything negative about myself.

Inner dialogue is so important. While it’s something I preach about often, I had to recognize that I was being a major bully to myself. I was frustrated with myself all the time. Put an insane amount of pressure on myself to get things figured out ASAP.

I got in the habit of catching these things I would say to myself, like:

“I’m such an idiot”
“I’m never going to get my life figured out”
“I’m always messing up”
“I’m not an expert or really good at anything”

I started catching myself saying these things. I stopped myself and said, “It’s OK Jessie – we don’t say those things about ourselves anymore. We are working towards loving ourselves again.”

Then, I reframed.

“I’m such an idiot” became —> “I am smart & have a lot to offer the world!”

“I’m never going to get my life figured out” became —–> “‘Each day I’m getting closer to figuring things out!”

“I’m always messing up” became —–> “I’m human & make mistakes. Also, I’m learning!”

“I’m not an expert or really good at anything” became —–> “I have a unique talent of making people feel safe & heard.”

Slowly, but surely, those negative thoughts became less and less frequent. They will never fully go away, but the habit of catching & shutting them down has become more frequent and automatic.

Caught myself questioning myself & my abilities.

This one I learned was by far my deepest insecurity. Believing in my intelligence, my knowledge & my abilities. Reframing my inner dialogue was huge, but catching myself questioning my abilities was even more intense.

When I caught myself saying things like:

“Can I really do this?”
“Am I really smart enough?”
“Do I really have what it takes?”

I would immediately say “yes but thank you body & mind for the armor & protecting me”.

As with the inner dialogue, this is also an ongoing process. We don’t just easily forget about our deep internal beliefs about ourselves. Ego likes to pop up and say, “you sure you want to take that risk and try that?”

**I journaled most days.**

I love journaling with my whole heart. It’s my favorite way to get everything out of my head and make sense of what’s going on. I love freewriting. Just writing what is on my mind in that moment, how I was feeling/worries/anxieties. I kept track of recurring things I kept mentioning, noting themes.

In addition to freewriting, I also:

Starting writing 5 things I was grateful for every day
Wrote affirmations that aligned with the energy I wanted to attract
Happy moments & pride journaling at the end of the day
Shadow work journal prompts to dig deeper into my subconscious thoughts

I tend to be pretty consistent with journaling Monday-Thursday, but I tried my best to find time over the weekend as well.

I asked myself, “Am I doing this for my past self or future self?”

This is important. We can get stuck in our “old ways” we are trying to leave behind because it is familiar, it is known, it is safe. Becoming the version of ourselves we want to become requires us to leave behind what is known, get out of our comfort zone, try new/different things, take risks.

So, I got in the habit of asking myself, “Am I doing this for my past self or future self?”

Did things every day that I knew made me happy.

I always recommend having a “wellness toolbox” full of things that you know make you feel good & happy. Whether it’s reading, listening to music, spending time outside, going for a walk, playing with a pet, crossword puzzles, video games – whatever it may be.

I made a list in my phone of things I wanted to try to do each day.

Give myself a high five in the mirror right when I wake up
Smile at myself every time I looked in the mirror
Listen to upbeat music while getting ready for the day
Spend at least 30 minutes outside each day
Read a “for fun” book as well as at least 10 pages in a “learning” book each day
Keep a simple promise to myself
Turn off my phone for a chunk of the day

Just to name a few. I started with a couple simple ones, adjusted and added to my daily list as things changed. Simple things really do go a long way.

Daily learning / “study time”

On top of my “fun” reads, I also started reading at least 10 pages in a personal development book per day. I took note of good ideas and insights that I learned. Some of it was relearning what I already knew. It ended up sparking a lot of inspiration & ideas that felt really good to think about.

We are always learning & something that I’ve come to realize is that it feels good to learn each day. Different ideas, concepts, perspectives.

Continued showing up for myself despite the times when I was thinking “I’m not feeling like it”.

I didn’t always “feel” like journaling or reading my personal development book or getting out of bed to give myself a high five or dig into my insecurities or face the question of “what’s next?”. But, I reminded myself why I was doing this and did the work anyway.

The “safest”, most comfortable choice is to just not do the work. To let yourself talk yourself out of it. To tell yourself, “maybe I’ll feel more like it tomorrow”.

This really ramped up when I decided to get back into my coaching business. To revamp everything & put together a new coaching program. My doubts & fears were screaming in my face. My mind & body did not feel safe. But, I still showed up. Gave myself permission to feel, but challenged myself to show up at least a little bit.

We are never going to “feel like it” all the time. Motivation isn’t always going to be there. It’s about listening to ourselves and showing up, even if we “don’t feel like it” or feel scared.

I quite literally took it a day at a time.

At the start of this, I promised myself that I would let this journey take me wherever it was meant to take me. I released full control to the universe, literally taking it a day at a time. I had no idea if I was going to get back into business or take on a new direction altogether. I wanted to know, but I also knew I couldn’t micromanage the journey.

I ended up naturally gravitating back to business with newfound energy & understanding of myself & how I wanted to approach my business. I was scared, I had a lot of fears (honestly, I still do!), but I knew that the entire process was to have me let go of what I had been holding onto.

I didn’t give myself a set “deadline”.

Once I decided that it was time to get back to business, I decided not to set a deadline for when it would happen. I wanted to take my time, enjoy the process and not stress myself out. I’ve learned that I hate deadlines. Hate them with a passion. They work for some people. But, for me, they take away the fun out of everything. They put pressure on me that usually ends in burnout. So, I focused on flow and letting things unfold in their own time.

I took it a day at a time, slowly chipping away at the business that is now created and the life that is manifesting.

I didn’t rush myself.

Going along with no deadline, I didn’t rush myself. I let go of telling myself “I’m running out of time”, “I’m 32 and need to get this together ASAP”. Nope. I just let things flow naturally. What’s interesting is that when we stop trying to rush & force ourselves, things just work themselves out.

The “how” something happens and the “when” something happens isn’t up to us. When we let things flow as they are meant to, everything will fall into place as it should.

That, my friends, is the power of detachment.

Said “yes” to things that got me out of my comfort zone.

We’ve all heard about the power of setting boundaries by saying “no” to things that don’t serve us. Well, I started saying “yes” to things that got me out of my comfort zone & challenged me. I didn’t realize how “safe” & in my comfort zone I was being until I started doing this.

I started saying yes to plans with friends, yes to making new friends & being around people I didn’t know, yes to breaking my routines & doing something I normally wouldn’t do, starting conversations with other women at the gym.

Nothing too crazy, but they definitely challenged me. Challenging yourself, breaking routines, trying new things, getting out of your comfort zone- it’s all good for us. It works our subconscious minds, improves confidence & overall enjoyment.

Took note of my “triggers”

A very important habit that I got into was taking note of the certain things that triggered my anxiety, limiting beliefs, negative thoughts about myself, stress & overwhelm. I ended up finding patterns & cycles within most of my “triggers”. Being able to create this awareness into what was really going on in my subconscious.

It allowed me to understand myself better, approach situations with more understanding rather than frustration & judgment. It also allowed me to reframe.

At the end of the day, the base foundation of becoming who we want to be & doing the things we want to do starts with our relationship with ourselves. Our self concept. Understanding & accepting ourselves for who we are.

Our subconscious has picked up all kinds of information over the years about who we “should” be and what we “should” be doing with our lives. The point of this is to bring ourselves back to who we are. To break down the walls that we’ve built to protect ourselves based on what we’ve learned.

THAT is the main thing that I’ve taken from this last year of deep inner work & transformation. When you do this work, you transform into who you are.

I’ve spent the last year on myself, studying, working & reworking my coaching so it’s even more powerful & impactful than ever before.

I’ve transformed. I’ve helped dozens of other women transform. Are you ready to transform?

I know for a fact I was put on this earth to make a difference. I already have. I created TRANSFORMATION for you, so you can experience what this life has in store for you. To break free & become everything that’s meant for you.

This is my education, personal experience, 6+ years of coaching experience combined into one epic coaching program. A personalized experienced packed full of so much knowledge, tools, strategies, understandings.

You already have the power within you to go after what you want. I’m here to provide you with the tools, the support, the resources & the guidance that you need to get there. It’s time to embody the happiest, most fulfilled version of YOU!

>> CLICK HERE << to learn more!

Also, make sure you check out my downloadable resources!

>> click here to download my Clarity + Goals + Planning Workbook
>> click here to learn more about my weekly check in system for keeping track of your goals, tracking habits & holding yourself accountable
>> click here to download my guide to understanding YOU
>> click here to download my Self Care Planning Worksheet
>> click here to download my 50 journal prompts for self reflection & self discovery

XOXO,
Coach Jessie

Blissfully jess