8 ways you are probably holding yourself back without even realizing it

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Here’s the thing… Whether we want to believe it or not, every single one of us tends to get in our own way. We are constantly holding ourselves back from getting to where we want to be because of several different reasons. We don’t always consciously know we are doing it, which is why I think that it’s SO important to create an awareness around this so you can start really understanding yourself better & put a stop to these things. 

If you are getting frustrated with not being able to figure out why you can’t get things in life figured out, this post is for you. I learned the really hard, long way about how I was really standing in my own way and the true reasons for why I wasn’t where I wanted to be. It never really occurred to me that I was the reason I wasn’t where I wanted to be.

I was always blaming external factors, blaming other people, complaining about my current situation.

Related: 9 things to stop doing to get the most out of life, Adjusting Your Mindset When Bad Things Happen, Getting through a quarter life crisis

I had to come to the realization that there were some things that I could be working on, some changes that I could make to get there.

Ultimately, I had to stop standing in my own way.  These are things that I know everyone is doing. We are humans and it’s honestly human nature, but creating the awareness about these behaviors being present is the very first step because once you do, you can start taking actionable steps towards reaching your goals.

Read these things carefully & really think about whether or not they are true for you. You might not believe them at first, but you might actually end up going about your day not even realizing that you are actually holding yourself back!

YOU ARE MAKING EXCUSES.  

This one might be hard to hear, but once you really start to think about it, you are probably constantly making excuses for yourself. These things that you say to yourself on a daily basis are really shaping how you view yourself & ultimately show up for yourself. 

Do you ever said to yourself things like:

  • “I don’t have time” (THIS IS A BIG ONE!)
  • “I don’t have what it takes”
  • “I will never be able to be successful”
  • “I’m not pretty enough”
  • “I’m not good enough”
  • “Nothing ever works out for me”

Whether you want to believe it or not, those are all excuses. They are all excuses that are more than likely unknowingly holding you back. They are excuses that keep you right where you are. Most of these are even accepting failure before you even try because you are lacking the confidence to get to where you really want to be.

Related: Simple tips to have more confidence in yourself, Gaining confidence to be your true, authentic self, 9 things to stop doing to get the most out of life

Maybe start challenging these things that you say to yourself. Are they REALLY true? More than likely, they are just excuses that are keeping you right where you are.

“If you’re serious about changing your life, you’ll find a way. If you’re not, you’ll find an excuse.”
– Jen Sincero- You Are A Badass- How To Stop Doubting Your Greatness and Start Living An Awesome Life

YOU ARE COMPARING YOURSELF TO OTHERS.

We are all different and in different places in life. Which means that by nature, our current realities are going to be different. However, it is definitely human nature to want to compare ourselves to others to see if where we are in life is “normal”.

I remember I really struggled with this right after college. The career path that I chose was not for me and I struggled for about 3 years to figure out what it was that I wanted to do. I struggling to find a job, living at home with my parents and constantly seeing everyone else my age moving forward in their careers & in life. It was incredibly discouraging to see that everyone was figuring it out & to me, it seemed like I was the ONLY one struggling to get my life on track. 

Related: Adjusting Your Mindset When Bad Things Happen

That comparison lead me to putting unnecessary stress & pressure on myself and it only lead me to struggle even more. 

When you compare yourself to others, you are putting unrealistic expectations on yourself to be someone and do something that isn’t meant for YOU. It might be meant for someone else, but that doesn’t mean it’s a universal expectation for everyone. You have to understand that you are where you are supposed to be in this exact moment and comparing yourself to others is only slowing down the process. 

TAKE YOUR POWER BACK. Focus on yourself. No one else matters.

YOU DON’T BELIEVE YOU HAVE WHAT IT TAKES. 

You want something really bad, whatever it may be. You want it, but deep down you don’t really believe that you have what it takes to get there. Before you even try, you are accepting failure. 

In order to get what you want, you have to believe in yourself. You have to believe that you have what it takes. Often, it takes a lot of inner work. It takes a lot of working through limiting beliefs about ourselves & reframing our inner dialogue. 

>> click here to download my self care planning worksheet
>> click here to download my 50 journal prompts for self reflection & self discovery

It sometimes takes some work, but the inner work is incredibly important for working through any limiting beliefs about yourself. You might not even realize the thoughts are present because they are in your subconscious, but you HAVE to work through them! You must work through your limiting beliefs so you can really start believing in yourself & start working towards reaching your full potential. 

This is one of the main things that I work with my 1:1 clients on. I help them discover what is truly going on in their subconscious so they can start believing in themselves. If you are interested in 1:1 coaching opportunities with me, click here to learn more. <3

YOU SAY MEAN THINGS TO YOURSELF.

This goes along with not believing in yourself. You have to start creating an awareness around what you say to yourself on a daily basis. This is something that you are probably doing unknowingly, but it truly influences how you feel about yourself & show up for yourself. 

Pay attention to things you are saying to yourself, like:

  • “I always find a way to mess up.”
  • “I’m never going to be good enough.”
  • “I suck at everything.

We say things to ourselves & about ourselves that we would never say about another person. We tend to be our biggest bully. 

We’re our biggest bully, when we need to be our own biggest cheerleader.

Ultimately, how you talk to yourself & feel about yourself will shape your reality. You have to start shaping your inner dialogue to be positive and empowering for you, otherwise you are never going to believe that you have what it takes.

Related: Gaining confidence to be your true, authentic self

YOU DON’T TAKE RISKY ACTION & FACE YOUR FEARS.

More than likely, you are holding yourself back because you are staying in your comfort zone. Your comfort zone is a very comfortable place to be, but you have to take risky action in order to move forward to be where you want to be! 

You are also probably making excuses for why you shouldn’t be facing your fears. You get into this “what if” mindset that seems more scary than achieving what you are meant to achieve. This also goes along with not believing in yourself. My guess is that you don’t believe that you have what it takes to get there, so you don’t think it’s worth even trying to take risky action. 

You have to start with believing in yourself! Believe that you have what it takes to get you to where you really want to be. If you continue playing it safe & allowing yourself to remain where you are, you are keeping yourself from learning & growing.

Do the thing that scares you, but you know you need to do in order to get to where you really want to be!

Trust me, that growth is so worth it!

Ready to start CRUSHING your goals?!
Click here to get your hands on my 5 Tips For Crushing Your Goals!

YOU’RE BEING RIGID.

Oh, trust me… I am the QUEEN of rigidity. It’s taken a lot of time and a lot of work to get me to being more and more flexible. When you are being rigid, no matter what it is, you are not allowing growth to happen. Not only that, but you are allowing yourself to be blind to all of the opportunities that are actually meant for you.

Allow yourself to experience different things and try our different routines. You might find that your rigidity is actually holding you back from what really works for you.

Try to be open-minded and try different things. You might actually be surprised what you can discover about yourself! 

YOU ARE DOING THINGS THAT OTHERS WANT YOU TO DO INSTEAD OF WHAT YOU REALLY WANT TO DO.

This is an interesting one and something that I think you should really dig deep into and think about. 

I’m a big believer that society & those around us determine how we show up for ourselves & live life. We are taught that life should be a certain way and sometimes pursue something that isn’t really meant for us. 

Related: Breaking Free From Society & Creating A Life You Love

There is absolutely nothing wrong with falling into the “norm” of what everyone else is doing, but it’s not for everyone. However, if you are feeling unaligned with what you are doing in life, I recommend thinking about this. Maybe even journal about this question:

Are you doing what you really want to do or are you doing what you think others expect of you?

Trust me, it’s something to think about!

YOU ARE UNWILLING TO DO WHAT IT TAKES TO GET TO WHERE YOU ARE MEANT TO BE.

This goes along with being rigid. In order to get to where you want to be, you have to be willing to do what it takes to get there. This means doing some things that you don’t necessarily feel comfortable with. 

It takes putting yourself first, making the investments in yourself, finding the time to do the inner work to dig deep into really understanding who you are & where you really want to be. 

Here’s the thing, we all have this one life to live, this one body to live in & a very short time here on earth. My whole message is around the fact that you have to start showing up for yourself and really start living life to the fullest because you have this one shot here, this one life.

There are going to be endless bumps in the road, but you are meant for so much more than to be stuck & unfulfilled.

You have to really ask yourself what you really want in life.

Are you really happy with where you are?

Do you feel like something is missing?

You don’t have to stay stuck, if that’s how you’re feeling. Also, you don’t have to go through this process alone! There are answers that you are searching so hard for. If you are interested in 1:1 coaching opportunities with me to dig deeper into this, click here to learn more. <3


Really consider the things that I wrote out in this post & start creating the awareness around the ways that you are truly holding yourself back. Once you create that awareness & are able to pinpoint the things that you are doing to hold yourself back, it’s just the very first step in the process. 

>> 5 Tips For Crushing Your Goals
>> 50 Journal Prompts For Self Reflection & Self Discovery
>> Self Care Planning Worksheet

It doesn’t end at just creating that awareness. Always know that you can reach out to me if you need any help with working through these things that you just discovered about yourself! I would love to help guide you to getting you to where you really want to be. <3 

You are SO worth it, my love!

Xx,
-Jess

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