Lasting change comes from getting to the root- the source of what is standing in the way. What we say to ourselves carry significant meaning, this includes the questions we ask ourselves.
Rather than coming from a place of self-judgment & criticism, start asking yourself questions & observing with an open mind and a curious heart.
This creates awareness & understanding. Which is always the first step because you don’t know what next steps to take without being aware. However, most of the time, the questions we ask ourselves come from a place of frustration & self-judgment. But, with a different approach & asking yourself different questions, you approach it with a sense of curiosity that you can work with.
By understanding what it is that you really want, what is stopping you beyond the surface within your subconscious & stored in your nervous system are you able to start taking the steps towards what you really want.
So, start asking yourself better questions.
Start here. Then watch your life begin to change.
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1. Is this aligned with my past self or my future self?
The things you do, the way you use your time & money are either keeping you exactly where you are (where you don’t actually want to be) or help you take the steps towards where you actually want to be.
2. What would future me do?
Think about future you that has what it is that you want. What would they do? How is it different from current you?
3. Where in my body am I feeling this?
Your cycles & patterns typically comes with physiological sensations. Increased heart rate, tightness in throat/chest, sweaty palms, etc. Start paying attention to where you are actually feeling it in your body. Send love to it. Thank your body for looking out for you & trying to protect you. Remind yourself that you are safe.
4. Why do I care so much about what other people think?
This comes from our natural desire to be liked & accepted. However, giving other people more power over your decisions for yourself isn’t helping you. To start to get your power back comes with a greater understanding. Think about it- Why does it matter what anyone else has to say?
5. In what ways have I been unintentionally abandoning myself?
Self-abandonment happens when you put your own needs aside out of fear for what others will think or say. When you want to make others happy, you put yourself to the side. When you are afraid to do the thing you really want to do out of fear of what others will think/say. When you hide who you really are to make others more comfortable. These are all examples of self- abandonment. You aren’t doing this on purpose. We (especially us women) have been conditioned to think that it’s “wrong” and “selfish” to put ourselves first.
6. What do I feel like I need today?
Everyday is going to be different. Some days you are going to wake up feeling energized & excited, while other days you are going to feel weighed down and struggling to want to do anything. Learning about yourself & what you need during all of these times is important. Different days are going to require different things. Start getting in the habit of checking in with yourself daily & honor what it is that you need.
7. What am I holding onto that I need to let go of?
We can hold onto things that drain our energy. That thing that you can’t stop thinking about? The anger towards someone or something? The frustration for not being where you thought would be at this point in your life? While it’s important to honor your feelings & emotions, these are things that can take over & control you if you don’t let them go.
8. What cycles and patterns do I keep finding myself in?
Your subconscious & nervous system store everything to keep you safe. When you find yourself in the same cycles & patterns, it’s an unconscious automatic response to stop you because your system is perceiving a threat. Even when you consciously don’t understand “why”. To put an end to it, you must pay attention rather than getting frustrated with yourself.
9. If everything were to magically fall into place for me, what would life look like?
Our brains are wired to focus on the negative. It’s easy to get caught up in our frustrations with where we aren’t and what’s not working. Zoom out & really think about what it is that you DO want. What do you want your legacy to be? What do you want to be remembered for? If everything were to fall into place, what would your life look like? Don’t worry about being “realistic”. Be “delusional” if that’s what your true desires are. If you want it, it’s possible.
10. When was the last time I felt truly, authentically happy?
Especially if you’ve been feeling a bit down & discouraged recently, think about when you felt really happy. What were you doing? What did life look like? There’s a good chance life doesn’t look the same, which is completely normal as we are always evolving. But it can be a good reminder to look back & see what was different, how you’ve grown.
11. Is this worth my energy?
Your energy is precious. It’s also not limitless. Make sure you are spending your energy where it is to your best benefit. Things will frustrate, annoy you & stress you out. That’s inevitable. It’s about creating awareness & asking yourself if it’s worth any more of your energy. If you let it, it will drain you & consume you.
12. In what ways do I need to forgive myself?
Self-forgiveness is an important aspect of inner work that is often overlooked. Forgiving ourselves for past mistakes, not handling things how we would have liked, not keeping promises to ourselves, not being where we thought we would be in life, etc. Holding onto these self-judgments & criticisms isn’t doing anything helpful for you. It’s not about condoning any wrongdoing, but forgiving yourself allows you to move on. It releases the subconscious (& maybe even conscious) anger towards yourself. Free yourself from the burden & set yourself free.
13. What do I love about myself?
Reconnect with yourself. There are so many things to love about you. If you are reading this and not believing it, it’s time to sit down and reflect. It can be so easy to get caught up in the things you want to change, but what do you love? This can be anything – physical aspects, your kind heart, being a good friend, someone others can rely on, etc.
14. What is currently draining my energy?
Take note of the things that feel like is sucking the life out of you. Get honest, create awareness, write them down. Is there anyway you can get of them or reduce their impact on you?
15. What can I do differently moving forward?
Life is always going to happen. Learning & growth has no finish line or expiration date. No matter what, you always leave a situation knowing something that you didn’t know before. Take everything & learn from it. Move forward with what you now know. Using this to your advantage can truly change everything.
I hope these help give you a place to start! You can use these for longer journal prompts as well if you would like a deeper reflection.
If you would like more support along your journey, I invite you to check out my 1:1 coaching! You already have what it takes, I just show you how to get there.
>> CLICK HERE << to learn more!
Also, make sure you check out my downloadable resources!
>> click here to download my Clarity + Goals + Planning Workbook
>> click here to learn more about my weekly check in system for keeping track of your goals, tracking habits & holding yourself accountable
>> click here to download my guide to understanding YOU
>> click here to download my Self Care Planning Worksheet
>> click here to download my 50 journal prompts for self reflection & self discovery
XOXO,
Coach Jessie
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