Life is full of many important lessons. I know I’m still young and have a lot to learn still, but I thought a great way to celebrate my 31st birthday would be to share with you 31 lessons I’ve learned so far in my 31 years of life. Honestly, most (if not, all) of these lessons were learned throughout my twenties.
I’ve noticed that for a lot of people (admittedly, including myself), there’s a lot of self inflicted pressure around entering into a new decade that makes us feel like life needs to look a certain way. For some reason, this is especially true for turning 30. Now that I’ve experienced one year in my thirties, I thought it would be a great time to talk about what I’ve learned and continue to remind myself of everyday.
I hope this post helps someone feel a little more understood, because at the end of the day, we are all trying to figure it out the best we can. Life is so beautiful and so precious. I’m just here to share with you what I’m learning along my journey in hopes of inspiring someone else.
So, here we go! 31 really important life lessons, listed in no particular order.
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Life Lesson #1: Life almost never works out according to “plan”.
I think it’s fair to say that just about all of us have this vision/plan for how we expect life to play out. In some situations, it may work out that way. But, a lot of the time it doesn’t. It can be confusing and frustrating when things don’t workout according to our plan, but what you eventually realize is that you are always being guided in the right direction. It’s up to you to view it as a “waste of time” or a learning experience in your journey.
Related: 5 Steps to Getting Back On Track & Shifting Your Mindset When Life Throws You Off, Adjusting Your Mindset When Bad Things Happen
Life Lesson #2: Trying to force your journey only leads to more frustration and confusion.
That feeling that you MUST make something work because it’s your vision and you don’t know what else there is to do. It can feel like you are running out of time or just at a loss for figuring out what even the next step should be. The more you try to force something into your reality, the more resistance you are going to feel. By letting go, just taking it a day and a single step a time- everyday focusing on where you are now and what you know, you are going to figure it out. Believe it or not, you are going to be guided in a direction that is even better than what you were trying so hard to force into your reality.
Related: 9 Things To Stop Doing To Start Getting The Most Out of Life
Life Lesson #3: Things usually start falling into place once you stop obsessing over it.
The more rigid control you have over something, the more resistance you are going to get. When you finally stop obsessing over figuring something out and operating from this stressed out, chaotic energy, the more likely you are to notice things falling into place. While operating from that chaotic energy, you are actually blinded to all the opportunities that are actually right in front of you. You are more likely going to brush them off to the side because you “don’t have time” to think about it. When you stop the obsessing, you are able to see things more clearly and you are able to open yourself up to the opportunities that really are right in front of you.
Life Lesson #4: It’s normal to lose yourself in the process of trying to figure things out.
My 20s were filled with so many moments of losing myself while I was trying to figure out what I was doing. I believe this is normal because you have to be open to evolving, which requires you to break free from certain things you are used to understanding about yourself. It’s OK to get confused in the process. What I had to learn is that you will always find your way back to yourself again.
Related: How To Get Out Of A Funk
Life Lesson #5: You aren’t the only one feeling the way that you do.
Going through something can feel really isolating, especially when we live in the world of social media where everyone is sharing their highlight reels. It can make you feel like you are the only one feeling the way you do and nobody is going to understand you if you talk about it. The truth is, if you are feeling a certain way, chances are, there are many people also feeling the exact same way. You absolutely never not alone in how you feel!
Life Lesson #6: The importance of taking the time to learn about who you are.
One of the most powerful things that I committed to all through my 20s was personal development and understanding who I am on a deep level. To learn how to love certain things about myself, to accept certain things that I’m a bit self-conscious about, learning what makes me really happy, forgiving myself for some of the mistakes I’ve made in the process. There’s nothing that compares to doing deep inner work, truly accepting & loving who you are. 10/10 recommend, it will quite literally change your life.
Related: 50 journal prompts for self reflection & self discovery
Life Lesson #7: It unnecessary to worry so much about literally everything.
I am a self-diagnosed professional over-thinker. I’ve been known to literally overthink things to a pulp until I literally make myself nauseous. Am I doing this correctly? Am I going to upset someone? Did I make someone upset? Can I do this? Is this silly? Should I be embarrassed? Was that weird? Did I make a mistake? Is this OK to do? Should I do this? Maybe it’s not a good idea? Are people going to understand what I’m trying to say? Is what I’m saying really true?
While it’s a good to have some kind of a filter to what you say and do, not everything needs to be pulled apart and thoroughly analyzed through a microscope. You are going to hold yourself back by doing that and talking yourself out of action due to fear and anxiety. I’ve personally created a habit of reminding myself that I am SAFE and OKAY. I will probably always be an over thinker, but reminding myself that I am safe and okay is what helps me not get too overwhelmed.
Life Lesson #8: The older you get, the faster time seems to move.
I feel like with every passing year I say, “I can’t believe it’s already__” and it seems to be happening so quickly. It’s crazy how much faster time seems to fly the older you get. This is especially true if you feel in any way you are “behind” in where you think you should be in life. It can feel like you just want time to stop while you figure some things about. But, it’s important to understand that you are always where you are supposed to be. Things will fall into place when it’s supposed to. There’s so much power in reminding yourself to enjoy the present moment because time isn’t going to magically start slowing down.
Life Lesson #9: People will come and go, but everyone comes into your life for a reason.
It’s really hard that some friends that you used to be so close to, you barely talk to anymore. I know for me personally, there are many, many people that I used to be so close to that I haven’t spoken to in years. Some friendships ended in disagreements and fallouts. Some just sizzled out without any reason. But, I am so grateful for all of them. I cherish the amazing times I had with them and I am grateful for the learning experiences that I gained from them.
Life Lesson #10: There is a lesson to be learned in everything
I don’t care what the crappy situation is, there IS something to take away from it. So often, we get so caught up in the negative outcome of a situation, that we don’t even consider what we could possibly take away from it. You always walk away knowing more than you did before. I’ve learned to start asking myself, “what was this brought into my life to teach me?” A simple mindset shift can go a long way.
Related: Adjusting Your Mindset When Bad Things Happen
Life Lesson #11: We are typically the ones who are standing in our own way.
It’s so easy to blame things on outside situations and external factors. While they might have played a role in the situation happening, it’s up to us to do something about it. So many excuses (that we don’t even realize are excuses half the time) take over our minds, we refuse to take risks, complain about everything and anything and wonder why we aren’t where we really want to be.
Related: 8 ways you are holding yourself back without even realizing it, How to feel in control of your life
Life Lesson #12: Mistakes happen, it’s okay and safe to let yourself be human.
Mistakes are an inevitable part of the human experience. Let yourself fail, make mistakes, completely screw up without being too hard on yourself. Remind yourself that it is SAFE and NORMAL to make mistakes. Happens to literally EVERYONE because we are all human. Pick yourself back up, brush yourself off, acknowledge the mistake and what you can do differently moving forward. Go back to Life Lesson #10. There is a lesson to be learned in everything. Learning & growth opportunities usually come from failures and mistakes.
Life Lesson #13: Learning to say “no” and setting boundaries.
I tend to wish I was everywhere at once, doing all the things, making everyone happy. It’s the kind of pressure I encourage others to avoid, but I admittedly tend to struggle with myself. I’ve had to learn to stop trying to be this superhuman that’s just here to make everyone else happy. I’ve had to learn that I don’t “need” to do and be all the things. It’s safe and okay to say “no”. Setting boundaries is really hard and uncomfortable, but what I’ve learned is very necessary. Although it can be uncomfortable at times, I’ve realized I feel much better without having all the pressure on myself anymore.
Life Lesson #14: You are not alone in whatever you are going through. Don’t be afraid to seek help when it feels like it’s too much. (Therapy is amazing btw)
For some reason, it’s normal to have this preconditioned thought that we are the only person in the entire world going through whatever it is we are going through and we have to figure it all out by ourselves. Asking for help is seen as a sign of weakness, rather than the strength that it is (HOWEVER- there is a shift happening around the stigma and I am all here for it!). It’s impossible to go through things alone. It’s a lonely and isolating feeling. Be honest with yourself. Lean on the ones around you when things feel hard, even go to therapy if you feel like you could use even more help. Life is so much more enjoyable when you aren’t trying to do everything perfectly and all on your own.
Life Lesson #15: Make sure you fill your own cup first.
It’s so easy to want to ignore our own needs when there’s so many other obligations to attend to. But, pouring from an empty cup, when your batteries are already running low is like trying to drive your car when your gas tank is completely empty. You aren’t going to get anywhere or even break something by trying to force it. Taking care of yourself is essential. When you make time for yourself, you are better able to show up for those really important obligations.
Related: How to create a self care routine that works for you and your busy schedule, 30 Day Self Care Challenge
Life Lesson #16: Life is not a race.
Believe it or not, there is no book of rules of life that comes with a concrete set timeline of how life MUST unfold. You are not “failing” if you haven’t achieved something by a certain age. You don’t have to be in a hurry to figure anything out. You are not behind, but rather, exactly where you are supposed to be on your own unique journey! Take a deep breath and try your best to accept where you are now and take away the expectation that you need to get life figured out ASAP. It’s something I’m reminding myself of this constantly because it’s so easy to get caught up in the mindset of feeling like you need to get something figured out right away.
Life Lesson #17: Anything is possible, if you believe in yourself.
The prerequisite to achieving anything in life, is to first believe that you are capable of it. Without self belief, you are accepting failure before you even give yourself a fair chance. Even if you don’t think anyone else believes in you, you have to believe it for yourself. It can take some deep inner work to get there, but it’s worth it. Self belief is so important & empowering.
Related: 7 Tips For Increasing Your Self Confidence
Life Lesson #18: When something doesn’t work out, it’s simply a redirection.
It took me a long time to realize that if something didn’t work out like I had planned in my head, that it didn’t work out because it wasn’t for me (refer back to Life Lesson #1). Being able to see something not working out as a redirection is such a powerful, and life changing mindset shift that you can make. It didn’t workout because it wasn’t SUPPOSED to work out for you. Acknowledge the frustration and accept the journey that you didn’t expect to be on! Definitely easier said than done, but can save you a lot of emotional stress if you start practicing this mindset shift.
Life Lesson #19: There’s enough space for all of us.
Yes, even YOU! There’s space for all of us to pursue the things that we want. There’s enough space for you to pursue that dream you’ve been putting off. No, it’s not oversaturated like you’re probably telling yourself. I definitely told myself that. You were brought to this earth with a unique set of traits and talents that no on else has. How is it oversaturated if the world has never experienced what YOU bring to the table? Trust me, there is enough space for you. The world literally NEEDS you. All you need is some self belief and a dream. Don’t let anyone else stand in your way, especially yourself!
Related: Tips for gaining confidence to be your true, authentic self
Life Lesson #20: The importance of being an advocate for your own body.
You ever feel like doctors aren’t really listening to you? I always thought doctors knew absolutely everything and whatever they said, has to be true. If they don’t know what to tell me, then I must be making something up, right? Remember that you are the only one who knows how you feel. If something doesn’t feel right, you have to stand up for yourself. Look for second opinions and different options if you need to. Always, ALWAYS be an advocate for your own body!
Life Lesson #21: We are the creators of our own reality.
It’s so easy to put blame on outside situations and circumstances. To say that we can’t do whatever because of X,Y and Z. Which may be true, but you actually have the power to make change. If you don’t like something, it’s up to you to do something about it. You have 2 choices: 1. Continue complaining about it or 2. Start doing something about it. You are the creator of your own reality. YOU can decide to start creating something better for yourself if you want it.
Related: How to improve your mindset, How To Start Manifesting
Life Lesson #22: Comparison is unnecessary and a waste of energy because we are all on our own unique journey.
The human brain literally NEEDS to be accepted. We want to feel like we fit in and we are in line with where we are “supposed” to be. So, we look around at what others are doing to see if we are living up to par. All too often, we end up comparing ourselves and start feeling like we are “behind” if we feel like we aren’t where we see everyone else. However, it’s important to remind ourselves that all of our journeys are different. Not everyone is meant to come to this earth and have the same human experience. I mean, how completely boring would that be if that were how life worked? Remind yourself that you are on your own journey. If something hasn’t happened yet, it just means that it’s not meant to. You are exactly where you need to be.
Life Lesson #23: Take time to reflect.
I personally think that everyone should create a habit of reflection. There’s so much in seeing how far you have come, acknowledge all that you’ve been able to accomplish and what still needs worked on. As humans, we have an automatic response to focus on the negatives- on what isn’t going well. This is because our brains would rather avoid the bad than experience the good. So, when there’s something negative, that tends to get our attention and focus. This can lead to self-sabotage and feeling down about yourself in general. Reflections help you see how far you’ve come and create a plan for moving forward from the things that aren’t going as well as you like. Creating the awareness and gaining this control brings so much power that I know you so deeply desire.
Life Lesson #24: Feelings and emotions are always valid.
It’s important to remind yourself that your feelings and emotions are always validated, no matter how someone else might make you feel about it. Our emotions arise for a reason and it’s important to always acknowledge and accept them, rather than push them away or ignore them altogether.
Life Lesson #25: Failure isn’t necessarily a bad thing.
We grow up in school learning that failing is “bad”. It means that you you didn’t do it correctly. You didn’t do it well enough. You were wrong. All negatives, right? All bad things. All things that we never want to experience, so we want to avoid it. Yes, it does mean that in school. However, as we grow older and have real life experiences, “failure” can also be a learning experience. You can’t learn if you don’t “fail”. Read Life Lesson #18 again. Something not working out AKA “failing”, is a redirection. Something doesn’t work out because it’s not supposed to. Rather than beat yourself up, try to understand what you are being taught. “Failure” doesn’t necessarily mean a “bad” thing anymore!
Life Lesson #26: No one is going to do the work for you.
You vs. you everyday. It’s up to you to show up for yourself. To start taking the next steps towards where you want to be. I had to learn that the older you get, the less and less direction you are going to get because it’s time for you to start creating your own reality. If you want something, it’s up to you to go get it. It’s great to have so much control and power over our own lives, but it is a lot of responsibility. You have to be the one to do the work, because no one else is going to do it for you.
Related: A step by step guide to getting your motivation back, How to start living a life you love living
Life Lesson #27: You can’t hate yourself into changing.
You can be unhappy with decisions you made, where you are in life, even what you see when you look in the mirror. But, hating yourself isn’t going to help make the situation magically get better and disappear. It just makes it worse and the constant negativity is affecting you more than you know. Like I mention in Life Lesson #24, your feelings are always valid. You have every right to feel the way you do. It’s also great to want better for yourself, but it’s not going to come from marinating in your frustration & self-hate. Sometimes, it does take a breaking point to finally be able to take those next steps forward. But, every step should be because you love yourself enough to start making change. Nothing good ever comes from being mean to yourself.
Related: 5 Steps to Getting Back On Track & Shifting Your Mindset When Life Throws You Off, How To Get Out Of A Funk
Life Lesson #28: Some of the best outcomes in life happen when you take risks and do the thing that scares the crap out of you.
You know what I’m talking about. That thing you keep thinking about but there’s risks and you don’t know if you’ll actually be able to make it work. You don’t know what people are going to think. Worried that you are going to make a fool out of yourself if you try. Let alone be realistic to even consider. But, you keep thinking about it. For whatever reason, you keep circling back around to it. What I’ve learned is that if it’s something that you keep thinking about, it might be worth a shot. Go back to Life Lessons #18 and #25 again. Fearing potential failure isn’t a good reason to not try something. The amount of times I’ve felt like I’ve “failed” is crazy to me, but I keep trying. I’ve been worried that I’m going to embarrass myself, and I have. I’ve been worried that I’m going to make mistakes and unintentionally hurt the ones around me, and I’ve done that too. While I wish it didn’t happen, I learned valuable lessons that I wouldn’t have learned if I didn’t at least try. I wouldn’t be sitting here today with the knowledge and understanding I have now, making the impact I’m now able to make if I didn’t let that fear stop me from at least trying. There will be more “failures”, but I’ve personally come to realize that that risk usually worth it. They always lead me to somewhere better. Life is too short and precious to not at least give yourself a chance at the thing you can’t stop thinking about. Now go back to Life Lesson #26, nobody else is going to do it for you, so it’s up to you. It’s always up to you.
Related: How To Start Manifesting, Tips for gaining confidence to be your true, authentic self
Life Lesson #29: You can’t make everyone happy. People are going to judge. Do it anyway.
Going off of Life Lesson #13, I’m a chronic pleaser. I want everyone to be happy and am also guilty of wanting everyone to like me. But, I had to learn that I can’t control what someone else thinks of me. I can’t help if someone doesn’t like what I do or agree with everything that I say. I was putting so much energy trying to make sure what I’m doing makes everyone else happy, that I wasn’t asking myself if I was making myself happy. You have to bring the power back to yourself because at the end of the day, you are the only one in control of doing the things that make you happy. If someone doesn’t like you or agree with you, that’s none of your business. Those aren’t your people and in all honesty, you don’t actually want them to be. You have to ask yourself what you want. The right people will follow. If you try to focus on everyone, you are focusing on no one. This is your life, it’s time to start living it. For you.
Related: 7 Tips For Increasing Your Self Confidence, 9 things to stop doing to live a happy, healthier, more fulfilled life, 8 ways you are holding yourself back without even realizing it
Life Lesson #30: There’s no point in living in the past or the future, we truly only have the present.
It can be so easy to think about how life used to be, whether it was better or worse than it is now. If you have unresolved trauma from your past, make sure you get the professional help you need.
For me, I always tend to go back to my college years- the years that I still say are the best 4 years of my life. I went from the best 4 years of my life to the worst 4 years of my life. It’s hard not to want to go back and be who you were during those “happier”/”better” times. It’s also hard not look back at those hard times and wish you did something differently. You aren’t there anymore. You aren’t the same person. Who you were then built who you are now. It took me a long time to come to terms with that.
Now, go back to Life Lessons #1, #2 and #3. It’s time to stop micromanaging your life. Let it unfold as it’s supposed to. Take the lessons as they come. Embrace the unknown of what’s coming for you. What’s meant to be, will be. You can’t control how life will play out. You can only control how you react in each moment. You can’t take back what happened yesterday and you don’t really know what’s going to happen tomorrow, the only time you are in control of is the present.
Related: 9 things to stop doing to live a happy, healthier, more fulfilled life, How to feel in control of your life, 8 ways you are holding yourself back without even realizing it
Start living for today because we really do only have the present.
Life Lesson #31: Don’t wait for life to be “good” to let yourself be happy.
What I had to learn is there isn’t a life manual that says you have to accomplish certain things for you to be able to enjoy it. Life can be good now, with what you have. Will certain things make you happIER? Sure. There’s always things that can happen that will make you “happier”. Go back to Life Lesson #30. You only have the present. Are you really going to spend that time just “waiting” and “wishing” for certain things? Maybe you are. That’s up to you to decide. But, you might find that you are always chasing happiness, never really experiencing it. That maybe X, Y and Z does fall into place and happiness doesn’t magically appear.
Go back to Life Lesson #21. You are the creator of your reality. So ask yourself, “What reality am I creating for myself?”
Your life is yours and it’s up to you to actually live it.
That’s it! My 31 really important life lessons that I’ve learned in my 31 years. Make sure you save this post for future reference because we all need reminders from time to time!
Also, make sure you check out my downloadable resources!
>> click here to download my Clarity + Goals + Planning Workbook
>> click here to learn more about my weekly check in system for keeping track of your goals, tracking habits & holding yourself accountable
>> click here to download my guide to understanding YOU
>> click here to download my Self Care Planning Worksheet
>> click here to download my 50 journal prompts for self reflection & self discovery
XOXO,
Coach Jessie Shibko
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