“You haven’t been yourself in about 2-3 years” is what my mom said to me in July 2018. We were having a conversation about my depression coming back and seeing my doctor to get on an antidepressant. I didn’t have health insurance at the time, so we were trying to figure out how I was going to pay for the doctor visit, as well as the medication.
I was a mess, my mental health was a mess.
I had just started a job that I thought was my “big break” to get my career off the ground. I was trying to convince myself that I enjoyed this job, but I really didn’t. I hated it and wasn’t good at it, at all.
I would go home after work and try to figure out how to be better at this job & I would go in super early to try to prepare better for the day. I really wanted to make this work and was willing to do anything to make it happen. Even when I was with my boyfriend, I was completely distracted because I was constantly thinking about getting better at this job.
I just kept telling myself that I HAD to figure out how to make it work because I was so tired of trying to figure out my career. The stress of trying to get my career on track was literally taking control of everything.
I had neglected all of my self care & healthy habits. I stopped going to the gym. I would pack a gym bag to go to the gym right after work, but would talk myself out of actually going because I was “too tired”. I really felt like I wasn’t in control of anything. Although, I tried.
Then, on Friday July 6, 2018, I walked into work and was immediately brought into an office and was fired at 6:45am. I was half relieved because the job was horrible, but half confused because I had no idea what I was going to do next. How was I supposed to expect an employer to hire me when I had 3 jobs in 6 months & fired from the last one after 5 weeks?
That same day just happened to be the Annual Memorial Golf Scramble I volunteer at yearly. I looked at the pictures we took and immediately realized that I needed to start taking care of myself better. I really didn’t “look” that bad, but I could tell how unhappy I was and crumbling under my own pressure to pull myself together & failing at every attempt. I was exhausted and putting on a smile to try to convince myself & others that I was completely fine. I wasn’t taking care of myself AT. ALL. I was lost & didn’t know what to do, or which way to go.
It was the first time in years that the chaos that was going on in my mind completely STOPPED. The only thing I could think of to do was to start prioritizing myself & it ended up completely changing the trajectory of my life.
I wanted to write this post because I know that there are so many people who can relate in some way. I just wanted to share with you my experience with finally prioritizing myself & how it completely changed everything so you can see how it could do the same for you. <3
On Monday, July 9, 2018, I woke up without a job to go to for the first time in YEARS. It was a feeling that I was unsure to do with because I was exhausted, tired of trying to prove myself & my abilities to Corporate America. I knew I had a lot of potential, but was running out of ideas and options. I wasn’t sure where I was going to go next, but I knew I had to keep going in the only way I knew how- start taking care of myself and my mental health.
Related: Developing a self care routine that works for you
So, I went to the gym.
In making the decision to take actionable steps to prioritize myself, I have:
- Learned how to love myself again
- Worked out on a consistent schedule
- Gained a healthy relationship with food
- Started my own business
- Started waking up with purpose every day
- Moved out of my parents house (finally!)
- Connected with amazing people
- Become, really really happy
*I also no longer felt like I needed to be on an antidepressant.
Taking back control
So, I woke up that day, drug myself to the gym with a commitment to myself. A commitment to turn this negative thing into a life changing experience, and that’s exactly what I did. I didn’t have a plan for my career, or anything for that matter. But, I knew that if I wanted anything to come together, I had to take control of the one thing I had complete control over: myself.
This moment was the first time since college that the chaos in my mind completely stopped. After everything, I had no desire to look for a job. It sounds weird, I had lost my trust in corporate jobs. I was frustrated at the fact that I had to prove myself to a company, leave a paycheck & benefits, for them to let me go whenever it was convenient for them.
Seeing new opportunities
I was lucky enough to still be living with my parents, so I had the security and stability to be able to take the time to figure things out. My dad had an (unpaid) opportunity for me at his startup business. I decided to give it a try, there was nothing I had to lose really. This was the time where I really had to understand that I had to take on every single opportunity that came my way. I really didn’t care what it was, I just had to take advantage of everything.
The crazy thing is, the moment I stopped actively looking for opportunities, is the exact time when opportunities started coming to me. I had gotten myself on a exercise routine, making better food choices, taking care of myself and that’s when things started falling into place. I would not change a single part of my journey because every experience had lead me to where I am today. Those experiences will still continue to evolve, and I can’t wait to see what comes next.
The learning experience
We are taught to work hard and keep working towards your goals, right? That’s exactly what I tried to do and I ended up running myself into the ground. It’s not my fault- I was just doing what I thought I needed to do. I was working hard towards a goal that wasn’t meant for me. I’m not the only one who has done this, right?
Related: Breaking Free From Society & Creating A Life You Love, How to finally start achieving your goals
But, these moments are meant to happen and are necessary for success and growth. The best thing I did in my time of confusion, was to start taking care of myself. If you have chaos in your mind like I did, things will start coming together when you calm your mind. It sounds cliché, but it’s so true!
Take every situation, good or bad, as an opportunity to keep growing and getting better. I had always heard that those “bad” moments are a sign that an incredible breakthrough is about to happen. I wish there was a magic piece of advice that I could give. It’s hard and uncomfortable, but I promise something amazing is about to happen! I had absolutely no idea that getting fired would lead me to starting my own business and working from home. But, I’m so happy that it did.
The best thing you can do in a time of chaos and confusion is start taking actionable steps towards taking care of yourself. I had no idea that stepping into the gym one year ago would be the start of the most amazing journey. I had no idea that all of the amazing possibilities were waiting for me on the other side & I know there’s so much more to come.
I’m truly living my life- not just going through the motions of the day and hating everything & everybody. I want you to experience the same thing! I do offer 1:1 Mindset & Confidence Coaching and invite you to check out my opportunities if that is something that you would be interested in. Click here for more information on my 1:1 coaching opportunities! <3
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