Please Note: I started writing this post at the very end of 2022 and the very beginning of 2023 as a part of my reflection & resolution process. No matter what time of the year you are reading this at, I want you to know that these tips and strategies that I’m sharing DO NOT have to wait until the new year. Take these tips, what I’ve learned about myself and the commitments that I’ve made at this particular time in a way that makes the most sense for you and the changes you are wanting to make. 🙂
The end of a year is naturally a great time for reflection. Some of these questions you might be asking yourself is:
What am I happy with?
What am I not happy with?
What do I want to carry with me into the new year?
What would I like to leave behind?
These reflections are important because they help you make decisions moving forward into the new year. However, oftentimes we get to the end of the year only to realize that we didn’t reach the goals that we were wanting to reach. While this is disappointing, I want to challenge you to change your mindset around it! As I always say, mindset is EVERYTHING!
Related: How to improve your mindset, How to prepare for the new year
When a year doesn’t go how you were hoping or expecting, it doesn’t mean that you should be beating yourself up about what you weren’t able to accomplish. The year went how it was supposed to go, equipping you with what you really needed to be able to move forward. Whether you feel like it or even believe it, you know so much more now than you did at this point last year and for that, you are better able to move forward with your goals.
Knowing what you know now, you might have an idea of how you want this upcoming new year to go differently- I know I do! So, rather than getting frustrated about what didn’t go well, let’s commit acknowledging what we are leaving behind and using what we’ve learned as motivation and fuel for moving forward. I always teach my coaching clients that we can’t always control what happens, but we can control how we respond to it. Rather than letting the situation control you, it’s important to make sure that YOU remain in control and to do that, a mindset shift needs to happen.
For that reason, as we are getting settled into a new year, I wanted to share some things that the last year taught me. I’ve come to realize many things about life, the way I’ve been living and the things I no longer want to carry with me. In this post, I talk about all the things that I’m leaving behind in 2022 because I’m acknowledging they are no longer serving me. I’m sure you can relate to having a few things you would like to leave behind as well. Maybe you know you want to do the same, but aren’t really sure where to start. Start here! Take a look at this list and see if you can relate to any of them and commit to leaving them behind as well!
YOU READY?! Let’s get to it.
PIN NOW, READ LATER!
Trying to force my journey rather than letting it flow naturally.
One of the most important things that I have come to realize is that I’ve been trying to force my journey. Force myself to be creative. Force myself to feel a certain way. Force where I’m at in life. I’m sure that you can relate to this too, because it becomes such an automatic, subconscious response. We get this idea of how things are “supposed” to be and put pressure on ourselves to get there. However, when we put this kind of pressure on ourselves, it almost always gets met with resistance. You just can’t seem to get yourself to do things you wanted to do and it just doesn’t turn out the way you were planning. Soooo annoying and discouraging!
Related: 8 ways you are holding yourself back without even realizing it, 9 things to stop doing to live a happy, healthier, more fulfilled life
I’m leaving behind this rigid hold on my journey! What’s interesting is that every time I let go of my rigid hold on how I want my journey to look, life always falls perfectly to where it’s supposed to go. It’s important to know that life will always fall perfectly into place if you let it. REMEMBER: take it a day at a time. It’s one of the hardest things to do, but being rigid (especially beating yourself up for it!) will only be holding you back even more and for even longer.
Rushing myself everywhere & through everything.
Along with being rigid and trying to force my journey, I have also realized how much I have been rushing through literally EVERYTHING. I rush myself at the gym, my morning routine, my night routine, through one work item to get to the next item. Everything. Functioning in this way leads to so much overwhelming stress because you are not allowing yourself to be in the present and actually enjoy what you are doing. It’s always GO! GO! GO!
Related: How to handle stress & overwhelm, My strategy that helps with consistency & productivity + Prevents burnout & overwhelm
After wondering why I was feeling so stressed all the time, I started asking myself, “why do I feel like I need to be rushing myself through everything?” It’s when I realized that I’ve gotten in the habit of trying to get through my schedule as quickly as possible. I also wasn’t engaged in one of the most helpful strategies that has helped me stay on track with my goals. My weekly Mind + Body Inventory : a weekly mind + body check in system. It’s interesting how when life gets crazy, the first thing going out the window is your self care. It’s so easy to say: “I don’t have the time this week, I’m way too busy!!” But that neglect only makes you feel worse and worse.
I recommend that you take a look at this for yourself as well. Do you feel like you are constantly rushing around everywhere? If you do, ask yourself WHY? Why do you feel like you need to be rushing through everything? In order to make any changes, the first step is always: AWARENESS. Are you really “too busy” or are you subconsciously using it as an excuse to try to avoid something? The only way to know is to really break it down. It’s something that I work on with my 1:1 coaching clients, but I also help walk you through this process in my weekly Mind + Body Inventory to help you stay in awareness of what is really going on.
If you are still saying, “I don’t have time!” First, you are reading this post which means that you DO have time… 🙂 Second, don’t forget that you have a life to live. What’s the point if you are just rushing around, not really taking the time to enjoy even a single moment? These become automatic thought responses, which can trick you into thinking you are in a position that you might not be in to the extent that you think. Since it’s an automatic response, it will take some time to reprogram your brain to have a different automatic thought response. I know that I could use some reprogramming and I’m committed to making the change! So, I’m starting to catch myself and these thoughts and ask myself, “why am I rushing myself right now?” It takes practice and repetition to start seeing a real change, but trust me, it’s so worth it!
Neglecting recovery time.
Since I’ve been rushing through my days, I’ve definitely noticed my body taking a toll because of it. The constant “rushing around” and stress has left my body SCREAMING at me this year. For those that don’t know, some of my passions include health & wellness, working out and living a healthy lifestyle. I believe life makes me go through different experiences to prove my own message because I’ve missed so many of my habits! One habit that I have remained consistent with, though, is my early morning workouts.
Ever since I started working out early in the morning, it’s helped my anxiety and my overall mental health. It’s been helpful to get my workouts done early in the morning, but this year I started noticing that I’ve been telling myself “I don’t have time for stretching/recovery” because I need to be in a hurry to get back to doing “something else”.
Related: Why I started working out at 5AM + How to transition to early morning workouts, 3 Tips For Transitioning To Early Morning Workouts
For that reason, I’m going to commit to making sure that I am including recovery time into my routine! When I say recovery time, this means I’m going to spend time foam rolling, using the massage gun, rolling a lacrosse ball over knots. I will either be including this within my regular workout routine while at the gym or blocking out time later in the day for “recovery time”. Either way, I am committing to making sure that I am including “recovery time” as an important part of my day!
Popping pimples & picking at my skin.
Picking at my face / pimples on my body has been a bad habit I’ve been trying to break for many, many years now and always give up on because I so easily give into it. When I look in the mirror and see a pimple, I immediately want to pop it! Then, looking closer I see other pimples and before I know it, it’s been 30 minutes that I’ve been picking at my face. All of a sudden, my face is all red and the small blemishes have become swollen because of all the picking and squeezing. I’ve always known that there’s nothing productive that comes out of doing it, but I haven’t been able to get myself to stop. I am learning to tell myself, “I don’t need to do this right now” and “this is only going to make my face look worse than it does now”. I know this is a shocker, but my skin is much healthier when I’m not constantly picking at it!
Self sabotage for not holding myself accountable.
As I was going through my journal entries from this past year, it was honestly heartbreaking to see how mean I have been to myself. Everyday I was writing about how disappointed I was in myself for not doing the things I promised myself I would do. I could see how I was running myself further and further into self hate. Everyday I was writing about my shortcomings and disappointments.
Let me tell you, this doesn’t not work. It is absolutely NOT the way to make change happen. There’s a difference between recognizing the areas that you can improve on and being cruel to yourself because you didn’t do what you said you were going to do. It’s important to be honest with yourself, but changes don’t come from self sabotage. I preach this to my coaching clients all the time, but I sometimes have a hard time listening to my own messages for myself.
I am committed to leaving self sabotage in 2022! Journaling should NOT be used as an avenue for beating yourself up. It should be used to help you process what’s going on and come up with a plan for moving forward. So, that’s what I’m going to do. No more using my journal as a resource for further beating myself up.
Related: 3 Mindset Hacks For Achieving Your Goals, How to set the right goals for yourself
If you feel like you need to release some anger, try writing one letter to yourself and throwing it away. It’s important to release your emotions, but don’t let it become a daily thing that you do. THAT isn’t productive. Allow yourself to live the human experience and feel the feelings that pop up, but don’t let it become a daily routine that will eventually start influencing your overall confidence.
Avoiding my routines by scrolling on my phone.
I know I’m not the only one! This is typically an issue for me when I first wake up (oh you know… when you roll over to turn your alarm off then automatically pick up your phone and start scrolling your social feeds!) and also when it’s time to start winding down for bed. This is the true definition of avoidance.. Where you know there’s something you wanted and committed to doing, but you choose your phone instead. It’s an avoidance habit because you are subconsciously choosing to stay in your comfort zone.
When I scroll on my phone at night, I am avoiding getting ready for bed because I am avoiding getting up the next day and avoiding setting myself up for success. That sentence was so weird to type because why wouldn’t I want that?! What’s interesting is that the things that we want more than anything, we are actually afraid of. So, we will subconsciously make decisions to keep us within our comfort zone. However, this often lead us to getting frustrated with ourselves because it’s something that we know is in our control but can’t seem to get ourself to follow through with it. This takes some self control and practice holding ourself accountable so that it eventually becomes an automatic habit.
Related: How to feel in control of your life, Creating a healthy + balanced lifestyle
No more scrolling!! Now that I am aware of why I have been doing this, I’m committing to give myself the chance to build the life of my dreams. What about you?! If you have trouble with scrolling, ask yourself, “What am I avoiding and why?”
Lists of my shortcomings, instead of lists of things I DID do and what I’m proud of myself for.
This goes along with self-sabotage. Do you ever get to the end of the day and think about all of the things that you did NOT do? Yeah, SAME! Do you know how incredibly unproductive and unnecessary that is? However, this is a very human automatic response. As humans, the few shortcomings that might happen completely override all of the positives. We automatically have this expectation of perfection and if we don’t do things “perfectly”, that’s what dictates how we feel.
The way to change this way of thinking? Focus on what you DID do. This takes repetition on a daily basis but eventually, your brain will be rewired to be able to focus less on those “shortcomings”. OK- so you didn’t get XYZ done today, but what DID you do and how are you going to improve it tomorrow? Do this at the end of every day before you go to bed. If you want to make a positive change, start here with this exercise. Trust me, it WORKS.
For that reason, I’m taking this exercise that I work on with my coaching clients and I’m writing lists of what I DID do and what I’m proud of myself for at the end of each day. What I have realized is that I have been doing so much more than what I have been giving myself credit for. When you realize that you are actually getting things done, it will give you motivation, rather than weigh you down. Constantly focusing on your shortcomings will only make you feel weighed down, discouraged and defeated. When you feel like that, there is no way you are going to feel good and motivated.
Getting frustrated with myself for not having the energy or motivation to get things done.
Raise your hand if you feel like you are constantly tired and never have enough energy or motivation to do the things you want to do! I have caught myself doing this so many times this past year. I felt like I was constantly behind on what I wanted to do and honestly, didn’t feel like doing any of it. This goes back to our inner dialogue and the habit of self-sabotage. When we feel like we aren’t doing anything right or well enough, it’s energetically draining.
Related: A step by step guide to getting your motivation back, How to create a self care routine that works for you and your busy schedule, 5 Steps to Getting Back On Track & Shifting Your Mindset When Life Throws You Off
When self sabotage is a habit- and it is for a lot of people- it feeds into our self-hate. We aren’t happy with ourselves and it spills over into literally every aspect of our lives.The fix? Focusing on self-love and self-care. The best way to get yourself out of the cycle is to go back to fueling your foundation because if your foundation feels dried up, it’s going to be impossible to make any progress. Take it a day at a time.
I’m getting getting back to the basics and I recommend you do too! With the basics, start with writing 3-5 things that you love about yourself and proud of yourself for everyday.
Making excuses for habits that I know will lead me to getting sick.
Believe it or not, we all have habits that are making us sick. These habits typically revolve around neglecting taking care of ourselves, especially in terms of letting ourselves relax. Something that I learned this year is that our brains can actually become “addicted” to stress, where we start constantly looking for something to stress out about even when there isn’t anything to stress over because it’s the “norm”. I can definitely relate to feeling like I need to be doing something all the time. However, this leads to a depleted central nervous system, which impacts our immune system and ability to fight off sickness.
“I’m too busy”, “I don’t have time”, “There’s just too much to do”, “I don’t feel like it right now”, I’ll start tomorrow” are all excuses that all of us fall into. You have to make it a goal to prioritize yourself and your health or you will continue feeling run down and sick. Keep a close inventory of how you are feeling. In my guide on Step-by-Step Guide to Handling Stress & Overwhelm, I walk you through the process of understanding your “warning signs” that you’ve been knocked off balanced and how to create a plan of action for dealing with it.
So, I’m starting to get back into the habits of creating awareness around my “warning signs” and acknowledging that I need to take a step back. When you know yourself and what works best for you, you can truly be prepared to handle anything. You just have to hold yourself accountable for actually doing it!
High blood pressure.
I’m way too young to be experiencing hypertension. There are of course many reasons for a high blood pressure reading, but I know that I have experienced this is from not taking care of myself as well as I would like and letting myself get too worked up and stressed out. I’m making it a goal to practice mindfulness and other stress-reducing strategies to help me have a more normal blood pressure. So many amazing benefits come from a simple habit of daily deep breathing.
Needing to be on antibiotics.
I’m sensing a theme here! I know that I’m not the only one who has experienced these physical results of neglecting proper self care. When we really prioritize calming down our central nervous system, we feel so much better overall. Since I was allowing myself to get stressed out so extensively, I was getting sick way too often and needed to be on antibiotics, which are so bad for our bodies.
Prioritizing self care & self love = feeling better overall = better health!
Of course, this isn’t true to every situation. But, there are so many positive mental and physical health benefits of taking care of yourself. I mean, really, TRULY taking care of yourself!
Neglecting my love for writing & creating.
I spent quite a bit of time this last year trying to explore my passions and what really lights me up inside. I didn’t spend as much time writing posts and creating, which lead to feeling lost quite a bit. Writing has always been my favorite outlet and way to express myself, so it’s no wonder that I felt a bit out of place this last year.
In creating my business, I’ve really been able to learn how much I enjoy using my love for writing to create blog posts and guides with my tips and strategies. Since I was exploring other areas, I wasn’t writing and creating as much, which honestly explains why I’ve been feeling a bit lost. Now that I have really understood this, I am really making sure that I continue writing and creating because I know that it brings me so much joy.
Make sure that you know what your true passions are and absolutely include them into your lifestyle!
My 20’s.
It’s crazy for me to think, but I am turning 30 in 2023! My 20’s have been a decade of learning so much about myself and about life. I am so ready to experience that magic of my 30’s. <3
My last name.
Yes! I’m marrying my best friend in 2023! I’m turning 30 AND getting married in 2023- talk about major life changes!!
I felt compelled to write this post because 2022 was a year that I wasn’t expecting it to be, but a year that I needed it to be. I learned more than I could’ve imagined. It makes so much sense because we are always being equipped with the tools that we need, even if they aren’t what we were hoping for. Life always works out the way it’s supposed to if you surrender to the universe and let life unfold the way that it’s supposed to.
I hope you are able to resonate with some of these items as well! Life is such an amazing journey. Even through the hard times, they are moments to be grateful for because they are equipping you with strength and knowledge that you need in order to take the next step forward. The universe won’t allow you to take a step forward if it doesn’t think you are ready or properly equipped. Surrender to the universe and see what happens!
What are YOU leaving behind? What are you looking forward to in the new year?! Let me know!
If you are looking for some accountability and would like someone to help guide you & hold you accountable, I invite you to check out my Mindset & Confidence coaching opportunities. It can make the journey so much easier and more enjoyable having someone by your side, guiding you through the process.
Also, make sure you check out my downloadable resources!
>> click here to download my Ultimate Goal Setting & Planning guide
>> click here to learn more about my secret life changing check in system
>> click here to download my Step-by-Step Guide to Handling Stress & Overwhelm
>> click here to download my Self Care Planning Worksheet
>> click here to download my 50 journal prompts for self reflection & self discovery
Xx,
Coach Jessie Shibko
